HEALTHY LIVING
You Don’t Need To Love Yourself Before You Can Love Someone Else, Here’s Why
Published
2 months agoon
The idea that loving yourself is a prerequisite for receiving love from others is a common misconception, and you may strongly disagree. Read on and find out why.
Questions like “Will I only attract people who will hurt me?” and “Do I need to be ‘fixed’ before anyone can love me?” would plague your mind. This fear is a significant barrier to experiencing authentic connections with others.
While cultivating self-love can undoubtedly enhance your relationships, it is crucial to understand that it’s not a mandatory step before allowing yourself to love and be loved by others. It’s a journey, not a destination, and often unfolds through the very act of connecting with others and experiencing their acceptance and care.
Why do people say you need to love yourself before loving others?
Loving yourself doesn’t mean you always feel good; it means knowing you deserve respect and kindness, even when you make mistakes. It’s about focusing on how you feel about yourself, not just how others see you.
For example, after a date, focus on your own experience rather than obsessing over whether they liked you. If you fail a test, don’t beat yourself up. Instead, make a plan to improve.
Without self-love, you might feel worthless and struggle to believe that you deserve healthy relationships. You might even be drawn to people who confirm negative beliefs about yourself. This can be especially true if you have faced rejection or disapproval in the past or belong to a marginalised group.
Remember, we often gravitate towards what feels familiar, even if it’s not what’s truly good for us.
Why it can be ‘harmful’ to think you must love yourself before loving others
Loving yourself is great for relationships, but it doesn’t have to come before them. Waiting to love or date until you’re completely healed might hold you back. Healing often takes a long time, and healthy relationships can actually support that process.
You might be feeling anxious or scared about being in a relationship, and that’s okay. Healing can also happen through connection with others, not just by yourself. Therapy works because of the relationship between the therapist and the client. We also know that physical touch can help us feel less pain.
So, you can learn to love yourself and heal while being with a loving partner who supports you on that journey.
How the love of someone else can help you achieve self-love
While self-love is important, it’s not a requirement for having healthy romantic relationships. In fact, opening yourself up to love can actually be a step towards self-love in itself.
Here’s why:
- A new perspective: A loving partner can offer a different perspective on your perceived flaws. They might not share your negative view, and their acceptance can help you see yourself in a more positive light.
- Healing through connection: Hiding your vulnerabilities hinders healing. Sharing them with a loving partner can create an opportunity for the support and care you might have been missing.
- Validation and understanding: A healthy partner might validate your feelings, even those you perceive as negative. For example, they might see your anger as passion, and their appreciation can help you see it differently.
- Acceptance can lead to self-acceptance: When someone accepts and appreciates parts of you that you dislike, it can lead to a more accepting and compassionate relationship with yourself.
Instead of focusing on whether you’re “ready to be loved,” consider asking, “Am I ready to be honest with myself and others as we grow together?” This shift in perspective emphasises the journey of self-discovery and growth that can be fostered within a loving relationship.
Remember, self-love and healthy partnerships can be mutually reinforcing. By opening yourself up to love, you may find unexpected support and even discover new aspects of yourself that you appreciate.
How to work towards self-love while in a relationship
1. Practice vulnerability with a partner you trust
Exposing your vulnerabilities can be daunting. You might fear rejection if you reveal your perceived flaws. However, this fear is simply your brain’s natural defence mechanism, trying to protect you from potential harm.
On the other hand, our emotional core yearns for connection. True connection often requires taking risks and being vulnerable. Sharing your vulnerabilities may feel like a leap of faith, requiring courage and perseverance, but it can ultimately lead to deeper and more meaningful relationships.
2. Focus energy on developing self-compassion
While loving every aspect of yourself, even the wounded or broken parts, isn’t a prerequisite for being loved or loving others, acknowledging and understanding these parts is essential. This involves developing a relationship with them, enabling you to share them authentically.
The journey starts with self-compassion. Instead of harsh self-criticism, explore the origins of your negative self-image. This means observing and accepting these parts without judgment, simply acknowledging their presence.
The benefits extend beyond you. Research shows self-compassion translates to being more caring and supportive and less aggressive and controlling within relationships.
Additionally, studies indicate that both individuals with self-compassion and their partners experience higher overall well-being. This means that even if you haven’t reached a point of self-love, working on self-compassion can significantly benefit your relationships.
Developing self-compassion involves three key elements:
- Self-kindness: treat yourself with warmth and understanding, replacing self-criticism with support during difficult times.
- Common humanity: recognise that everyone experiences challenges and hardships throughout life. You are not alone.
- Mindfulness: acknowledge and accept negative emotions without judgment. Instead of identifying with them, simply observe them. For example, instead of saying “I am an angry person,” say “I am feeling angry right now.”
By practising self-compassion, you can embark on a journey towards a healthier relationship with yourself and, ultimately, healthier relationships with others.
3. Practice owning your stuff (rather than trying to be “healed”)
Owning your “triggers” in relationships doesn’t mean instant solutions. Instead of hiding or blaming your partner, take responsibility for your feelings and how they affect your interactions. For example, acknowledge that criticising your partner for abandonment might stem from your own past experiences, not their current actions.
Reflect on these questions:
- What parts of myself do I struggle with?
- Where do these struggles come from?
- How do I react to these parts?
- How do they affect my relationships?
- How can I take responsibility for them?
- Can I change the story I tell myself from “what’s wrong with me?” to “what happened that made me feel bad, unworthy, or unlovable?”
These questions can guide you as you address your vulnerabilities and work towards self-acceptance, even while experiencing love and giving it in return.
While you hope to find self-love on your own, recognise that for some, the love from others can be a powerful force that paves the way towards self-love. Ultimately, a partner’s love and acceptance of your perceived flaws can help you accept them yourself and maybe even love them one day.
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Feeling burnt out and overwhelmed at work? Taking work leave or using your sick days might seem counterintuitive, but it’s crucial for your long-term success. When you’re constantly stressed and stretched thin, your mental and physical health suffers. Taking a break allows you to de-stress, recharge, and return to work feeling refreshed and energised.
This renewed sense of well-being translates into improved focus, creativity, and overall job satisfaction, which are all essential for professional success.
Here are several reasons why every worker should take advantage of their work leave entitlements:
1. Restoration of mental health
Imagine pushing yourself through a marathon without ever stopping to rest or refuel. That’s what happens mentally when you constantly work long hours without breaks. The pressure builds, leading to stress and burnout.
Taking time off is like hitting the pause button. It allows you to de-stress by doing things you enjoy, reducing that built-up tension. When you return to work, you’ll feel refreshed and energised, with a clearer mind ready to tackle any challenge. It’s like rebooting your brain for better performance.
2. Regaining physical health
Our bodies weren’t designed to be chained to a desk all day. Staring at a screen and hunching over a keyboard for hours on end can wreak havoc on your physical health. Your back, neck, and shoulders become strained from holding the same position, while repetitive tasks can lead to muscle fatigue and injuries.
Leave is your chance to break free from this cycle. Use your time off to get your body moving! Whether it’s hitting the gym for a workout, going for a hike in nature, or simply taking a long walk outside, any form of physical activity helps counteract the toll work takes on your body. Think of it as preventive maintenance. By giving your body a chance to rest and recuperate, you’ll not only feel better physically now, but you’ll also be preventing future aches, pains, and even more serious health problems down the road. Taking leave isn’t just about feeling good today; it’s an investment in your long-term physical well-being.
3. Increased productivity
Forget the myth that working longer hours automatically means getting more done. In fact, the opposite can be true. Taking regular breaks, like vacations and other types of leave, can actually boost your productivity when you’re back at work. Here’s why:
- Recharged focus and energy: Imagine staring at a computer screen all day, every day. It’s draining! Taking time off lets you recharge your mental batteries. When you return, you’ll have a sharper focus and more energy, allowing you to tackle tasks more efficiently.
- Less stress, better decisions: Feeling constantly stressed and overwhelmed can cloud your judgement. Taking a break helps you de-stress, which leads to clearer thinking and better decision-making. You’ll be able to approach problems with a fresh perspective and come up with creative solutions.
- Increased motivation and morale: Feeling burned out can make even the simplest tasks feel like a chore. Taking leave allows you to disconnect from work and come back feeling refreshed and motivated. This renewed enthusiasm translates into a more positive attitude and a willingness to go the extra mile.
So, taking breaks isn’t a sign of laziness; it’s a smart strategy for boosting your productivity in the long run.
4. Enhanced creativity
Stepping away from the daily grind can actually spark your creativity! Here’s how:
- New experiences, fresh ideas: Imagine yourself stuck in the same room all day. Not exactly inspiring, right? Taking time off exposes you to new things, whether it’s visiting a museum, trying a new hobby, or simply exploring a different part of town. These new experiences can spark fresh ideas and different perspectives that you can bring back to your job.
- Break free from routine and solve problems creatively: Sometimes, being stuck in the same routine can make it hard to see things from a new angle. A break from work allows you to come back with a clear head and a fresh approach to problems. The innovative solutions you come up with when you’re not bogged down by the daily grind might surprise you.
- Boost your imagination and fuel innovation: Feeling burned out can stifle your creativity. Taking leave gives your mind a chance to relax and recharge. This can lead to a boost in your imagination, making it easier to come up with creative solutions and innovative ideas that can benefit your work.
5. Improved job satisfaction
Happier employees mean a better work environment. People who take vacations and other forms of leave tend to be more satisfied with their jobs overall. Why?
Knowing your employer encourages you to take time off shows they care about your well-being. This can make you feel valued as an employee, which boosts morale.
Taking breaks helps you de-stress and recharge. When you come back to work feeling refreshed and happy, it creates a more positive work environment for everyone.
Feeling constantly burned out can make you want to leave your job. Taking leave helps prevent burnout, which can lead to lower employee turnover and a more stable team.
In short, encouraging employees to take leave creates a happier, healthier, and more productive work environment for everyone involved. It’s a win-win situation.
6. Quality time with loved ones
Feeling constantly pulled between work and personal life? Time off work is your secret weapon. The daily demands of a job can leave you feeling drained and stretched thin. This often translates into neglecting the important relationships in your life, which can take a toll on your overall well-being.
Taking time off, whether it’s a vacation, sick day, or personal day, allows you to hit the pause button on work and reconnect with the people who matter most. Imagine spending quality time with family and friends, free from the stress of work deadlines and overflowing inboxes.
These moments of connection help strengthen your personal bonds, creating a strong support system that can boost your happiness and resilience in all areas of life. After all, a fulfilling personal life isn’t just a perk; it’s a key ingredient for success and overall satisfaction.
So, don’t feel guilty about taking leave! Embrace it as an opportunity to recharge, reconnect, and remind yourself of what truly matters.
7. Personal development
Level up your life, not just your work! Taking time off work isn’t just about relaxation; it’s a chance to invest in yourself. You can use your leave to explore personal growth activities like:
- Learning a new skill: Always wanted to master photography or brush up on a foreign language? Leave gives you the dedicated time to finally take that online course or enrol in a local workshop.
- Pursuing a hobby: Do you have a passion project you’ve been neglecting? Time off allows you to delve deeper into your hobbies, whether it’s writing, painting, playing music, or anything that brings you joy.
- Travelling and exploring: Sometimes a change of scenery is all you need to spark new ideas and gain a fresh perspective. Travelling exposes you to different cultures, broadens your horizons, and can even inspire creative solutions for work-related problems.
These activities not only contribute to your personal fulfilment and overall happiness, but they can also surprisingly benefit your professional life. The new skills you learn, the knowledge you gain, and the creative spark you ignite can all translate into valuable assets that can enhance your work performance.
When companies understand that taking time off is important and encourage their employees to use their vacation days, it creates a better work environment for everyone.
Employees who are well-rested and have time for personal matters are healthier, happier, and more productive. This means the company benefits too, because they have a stronger and more satisfied workforce.
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Ever feel that fluttering feeling in your stomach before a big interview or when you’re waiting on important news? That’s actually anxiety! But don’t worry; it’s not always a bad thing, and there are ways to reduce anxiety naturally.
This kind of anxiety is actually our body’s way of helping us out. A little racing heart, tenseness, or nervousness can all be signs of good anxiety. It’s our body’s natural reaction to get us ready and focused on what’s to come.
What Is Anxiety?
Have you ever gotten butterflies in your stomach before a big interview? That’s anxiety! It’s normal to feel some anxiety in situations like that. Our bodies are actually trying to help us by getting us alert and focused. This is called “good anxiety.” It helps us stay sharp and prepared.
However, anxiety can become a problem when it’s too strong or doesn’t go away. This is called an anxiety disorder. People with anxiety disorders experience uncontrollable worry that can interfere with their daily lives.
The good news is that there are ways to manage anxiety! There are natural methods for reducing anxiety attacks, and you can also learn more about anxiety from reliable sources like Fab.ng.
Here are some signs of anxiety:
- Panic attacks: These sudden surges of intense fear can be very frightening.
- Physical symptoms: You might experience shortness of breath, restlessness, trembling, or even problems with sleep or digestion (diarrhoea).
- Intrusive thoughts: Anxiety can lead to paranoia or obsessive worries.
When anxiety gets out of control, it can feel paralysing and hold you back from living your life to the fullest. However, there’s hope. The more you manage your anxiety, the better equipped you’ll be to take charge of your emotional, social, and physical well-being.
Now that we know what anxiety is, let’s explore some simple and natural strategies to help you reduce anxiety attacks. Keep reading to learn more.
9 Ways To Reduce Anxiety Naturally
Telling someone with anxiety to “calm down” simply doesn’t work. The good news is that there are effective ways to manage anxiety, and many of them focus on healthy lifestyle changes. Let’s explore some recommended strategies to help you reduce anxiety attacks naturally:
1. First up, exercise
Getting your body moving is a fantastic natural way to reduce anxiety. You don’t need to jump straight into intense workouts. Start small and find activities you enjoy.
Walking is a great option; it’s a low-impact way to clear your head and get some fresh air. Plus, it’s something most people can easily fit into their routine.
Maybe you prefer hiking, cycling, jogging, or even dancing! These activities all have a common benefit: they release endorphins. Often called “happy hormones,” endorphins improve your mood and leave you feeling good.
Exercise also helps boost your concentration and motivation, which can be especially helpful if you struggle with certain anxiety disorders. So lace up your shoes, put on your favourite music, and get moving! It’s a simple step towards feeling better and managing your anxiety.
2. Next up, sleep
Experts say getting enough quality sleep is crucial for both your physical and emotional well-being. When you don’t sleep well, it can actually worsen feelings of anxiety and stress. Aim for 7 to 9 hours of sleep each night to help keep your anxiety in check.
Here are some tips to develop good sleep habits and improve your sleep quality:
- Power down before bed: Turn off all electronics, especially phones and TVs, at least an hour before bedtime. The blue light emitted from these devices can interfere with your sleep cycle.
- Create a calming sleep environment: Make sure your bedroom is dark, quiet, and cool. This will help your body relax and prepare for sleep.
- Develop a sleep routine: Try to go to bed and wake up at the same time each day, even on weekends. This helps regulate your body’s natural sleep-wake cycle.
3. Eat a balanced diet
The old saying “you are what you eat” holds for anxiety too. Eating a healthy, balanced diet can be a great natural way to manage anxiety symptoms.
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Focus on magnesium: Magnesium is a mineral that plays a role in enzyme function and nerve health. Upping your magnesium intake can be a natural remedy for anxiety. Load up on foods like almonds, whole-wheat grains, quinoa, spinach, cashews, black beans, and even dark chocolate, all of which are rich in magnesium.
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Choose whole foods: Instead of processed foods that are loaded with artificial colours, flavours, and preservatives, opt for natural whole foods that come in a variety of colours. Aim to include plenty of protein, fruits, complex carbohydrates, and vegetables in your diet. These wholesome foods are naturally packed with antioxidants, which can be beneficial for your overall well-being.
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Hydration is key: Don’t forget to stay hydrated! Water and natural homemade juices are essential for your health.
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Pay attention to your body: Notice how your body reacts to certain foods. If you find that specific foods trigger your anxiety, try to limit them or avoid them altogether. This can be a simple but effective way to manage your anxiety naturally.
4. Eliminate caffeine
Look, we all love that morning cup of coffee, but if you struggle with anxiety, it might be time to re-think your caffeine habits. While a moderate amount of coffee probably won’t cause problems for most people, caffeine can worsen anxiety symptoms, especially for those with chronic anxiety disorders.
Here’s why: Caffeine blocks adenosine, a chemical that makes you feel tired. Instead, it triggers the release of adrenaline, which keeps you alert. This surge of adrenaline can lead to jitters and increased nervousness, which can exacerbate anxiety.
We know that breaking up with your morning coffee can be tough. To avoid caffeine withdrawal headaches, try slowly cutting back on the amount you consume each day. Gradually reduce your intake until you reach a point where you can eliminate it altogether. This can be a significant step towards managing your anxiety naturally.
5. Say no to smoking and alcohol
Smoking and alcohol might seem to offer temporary relief from anxiety, but they actually make things worse in the long run. Smoking can worsen anxiety symptoms and irritate the lungs. Alcohol can also trigger anxiety and lead to dependence, which can create a whole new set of problems.
Research shows that both smoking and alcohol can worsen chronic stress and anxiety, especially for those with underlying mental health conditions.
Quitting smoking and alcohol is a smart decision for your overall health and can be a significant step towards managing your anxiety naturally.
6. Chamomile tea for relaxation
Since you’re cutting back on caffeine and alcohol, you might be looking for healthy alternatives to help you relax. Here’s a great option: chamomile tea!
This tea contains a compound called Matricaria recutita, which has natural calming properties. Chamomile tea can help reduce anxiety and even improve your sleep quality.
7. Breathe or rest to reduce anxiety
Anxiety attacks can be really frightening. Your heart races, and it feels like you can’t catch your breath. Here’s a simple trick to calm yourself down: deep breathing exercises.
When you take slow, deep breaths, you signal your body to relax. It’s hard to feel anxious and relaxed at the same time. There are many breathing exercises out there, but here’s a basic one to try:
- Inhale deeply through your nose for a count of four.
- Hold your breath for a count of four.
- Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of four. Repeat this process as many times as you need to feel yourself calming down.
8. Meditation for inner peace
Meditation is an age-old practice that’s been shown to be very effective in reducing chronic stress and anxiety. There are many meditation apps available that can guide you through exercises to help lower your stress levels and regulate your breathing during an anxiety attack.
Meditation helps you gain control over your body and mind, giving you the tools you need to manage your anxiety naturally.
9. Aromatherapy to reduce anxiety
Aromatherapy is another great approach to managing anxiety naturally. It’s an ancient practice that uses essential oils and plant extracts to promote overall well-being. Anxiety attacks can strike at any time, including at night, making it difficult to sleep.
Certain essential oils can help you relax, improve your mood, and get a better night’s rest. Lavender, bergamot, ylang-ylang, clary sage, and grapefruit are all known for their calming properties.
When anxiety disrupts your sleep, try diffusing these oils, adding a few drops to your bath, or inhaling them directly. You might be surprised at how effective they can be.
Bonus Tip: Laughter is the best medicine
They say laughter is the best medicine, and that holds true for anxiety too. When you laugh, it takes your mind off worries and anxieties and boosts your mood. Spending time with loved ones and sharing some laughs is a great way to de-stress and feel better.
Remember, you’re not alone
Anxiety attacks can be tough, but they are manageable. Find what works best for you to reduce your anxiety naturally. There are many resources available to help you learn more about anxiety and effective coping mechanisms.
Share your experiences
Have you ever dealt with anxiety? What natural remedies have helped you? Share your experiences in our comment section to help others.
Employment, or working for a living, can be a double-edged sword.
Sure, employment is a great way to achieve financial security and independence. It allows you to pay your bills, afford the things you need and want, and build a nest egg for the future. But let’s be honest, it also comes with challenges you might not expect when you’re first starting out.
Let’s explore these employment lessons below:
1. Startup costs can be a hurdle
You start a job to earn money, but you also need money upfront for things like professional work clothes, reliable transportation to get to and from work, and maybe even some basic office supplies. It can feel ironic that you invest your own money just to be able to make more money at your new job.
2. The Monday blues can hit hard
If you’re not passionate about your job and employment, Mondays can feel especially dreadful. It’s tough to be motivated and energised to tackle a long week of tasks you don’t enjoy, even if the work itself is relatively easy. This can affect your overall mood and productivity.
3. Making ends meet can be a constant juggling act
You work diligently every day, putting in your hours and effort. But depending on your employment salary, your paycheck might only come once a month.
This can make it challenging to budget effectively and ensure you have enough money to cover all your expenses throughout the entire month. It might require some creativity and financial planning to stretch your paycheck as far as possible.
4. Payday loans can become a trap
If you’re not careful with your money management and overspend throughout the month, you might find yourself broke before your next paycheck arrives. It can be tempting to resort to payday loans or credit cards to cover your essential expenses until payday.
However, these options often come with high interest rates and fees, which can trap you in a cycle of debt and make it even harder to manage your finances in the long run.
5. Your well-being is paramount
When you’re desperate for a job and trying to get your foot in the door, you might downplay the importance of work-life balance and readily agree to work under pressure on your resume. But a job that constantly stresses you out and takes a toll on your mental health might not be worth it in the long run.
There are some things money can’t buy, like peace of mind, good health, and strong relationships. It’s important to get employment that offers a healthy work-life balance and doesn’t come at the expense of your well-being.
6. The side hustle can be a lifesaver
When your income from your main job isn’t enough to cover your bills and your desired lifestyle, you might find yourself brainstorming ways to make more money on the side.
This could involve starting a freelance business, taking on a part-time gig, or exploring other avenues to supplement your income.
The extra income can help you achieve your financial goals faster, reduce financial stress, and give you more breathing room in your budget.
7. Health truly is wealth
One unexpected illness or injury can wipe out your savings quickly. Medical bills and medications can be very expensive, and even basic health insurance might not cover everything. This makes staying healthy even more important.
Taking preventative measures like eating healthy, getting regular exercise, and getting enough sleep can help you avoid costly health problems down the road.
8. Relaxation is key to avoiding burnout
If you don’t take breaks and prioritise relaxation, you might get sick, which can be a financial burden due to missed workdays and medical bills.
It’s important to schedule time for vacations, hobbies, and activities that help you de-stress and recharge. A well-rested and relaxed employee is a more productive and resilient employee in the long run.
9. Sometimes privacy is necessary
Depending on your social circle and financial situation, you might try to hide the fact that you have a job, especially if people around you constantly ask for money.
You might avoid them to escape the pressure to lend them money or give financial handouts. This can be a way to protect your financial security and avoid feeling taken advantage of.
10. Appreciation for your parents grows
Seeing how quickly money comes and goes can make you appreciate your parents more. You realise it wasn’t easy for them to provide for you when you were younger.
They likely had to make sacrifices and manage their finances carefully to make ends meet. This newfound understanding can bring you closer to your parents and give you greater respect for their hard work.
Even though having employment has its challenges, it doesn’t mean being unemployed is better. Life can be tough, but you can learn to develop strong financial habits, find a job that aligns with your values, and prioritise your well-being to navigate the complexities of working life.
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