RELATIONSHIP

Why Guys Start Caring Once You Stop Caring

Published

8 months ago

February 25, 2024

Why Guys Start Caring Once You Stop Caring | Fab.ng

Ever felt like you’re finally moving on, only for that “special someone” to suddenly show interest? It’s like they can sense you’re done waiting around, and boom! They’re back on the scene and are all caring. Why does this happen? Is it just bad timing, or is there something more to it?

It’s a common scenario: you’ve been investing time and energy into a relationship, but it feels like your efforts are going unnoticed. Then, the moment you start to pull back and prioritise yourself, suddenly the guy starts to show more interest and care.

Understanding why guys might act this way is like peeling an onion—there are lots of layers. It can be confusing and sometimes even frustrating, but we will explore some possible reasons behind their sudden change of heart.

1. Fear of losing you

One reason why guys may start caring more once you stop caring is the fear of losing you. When they sense that you’re becoming less available or less invested in the relationship, they realise that they might lose the connection they once had. This fear of loss can trigger them to step up their efforts and show more care and attention.

2. Taking you for granted

Sometimes, guys may take your care and affection for granted when they feel like they have you securely in their lives. They may not fully appreciate your efforts until they realise that you’re pulling back or withdrawing your attention. This realisation can prompt them to reassess their priorities and start caring more to avoid losing you.

3. Need for validation

Guys, like everyone else, crave validation and affirmation. When they sense that you’re no longer as invested in the relationship, it can trigger feelings of insecurity and uncertainty. In response, they may start caring more and seeking reassurance from you to validate their worth and importance in your life.

4. Desire for challenge

Some guys are drawn to the thrill of the chase and the challenge of winning someone over. When they perceive that you’re no longer as readily available or responsive, it ignites their competitive instincts and motivates them to pursue you more actively. The challenge of winning back your attention can be exhilarating and drive them to show more care and effort.

5. Self-reflection

When you stop caring, it can serve as a wake-up call for guys to reflect on their behaviour and the dynamics of the relationship. They may realise that they’ve been neglecting your needs or taking you for granted, prompting them to make an effort to change their ways and demonstrate genuine care and appreciation.

6. Personal growth

Maybe they’ve experienced some personal growth and now realise what they truly value in a partner. Your “new you” might actually be more appealing to them now.

In conclusion…

It can be frustrating to witness guys start caring only after you’ve stopped caring. It’s important to recognise that this behaviour often stems from complex psychological factors.

Whether it’s fear of loss, taking you for granted, seeking validation, craving challenges, or prompting self-reflection, understanding these dynamics can help navigate relationships more effectively.

Ultimately, open communication and mutual respect are key to fostering healthy and balanced relationships where care and affection are consistently reciprocated.

Remember, everyone is different, and their motivations can be complex. Don’t get swept away by sudden attention if it doesn’t feel genuine. Focus on what YOU want and prioritise your own happiness, no matter what games others might be playing.

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OPINION

9 Memorable Date Ideas To Reignite Your Relationship

Published

4 days ago

October 5, 2024

Adaeze Okechi

Going out for dinner at your favourite restaurant or catching a movie at the local cinema can be fun date ideas for couples. However, over time, these ideas may feel repetitive and lose their spark.

If you and your partner have been married for a while, finding fresh dating ideas for couples can be challenging as you run out of new ways to enjoy each other’s company. But don’t worry—there are still plenty of romantic dating ideas for couples to help rekindle that sense of adventure and excitement.

If you and your spouse love food, here’s a great idea. Start by visiting a new bistro with delicious appetizers, and perhaps pair your meal with sangria or a cocktail. Afterwards, head to a restaurant you’ve never tried for a delightful dinner.

Finally, if you both have a sweet tooth, finish the evening with some irresistible desserts at a different spot. These dating ideas for couples are sure to make your time together exciting again.

9 Memorable Dating Ideas for Couples

1. Plan a Restaurant Tour

If you and your spouse love food, a restaurant tour can be one of the most exciting date ideas for couples. Start by choosing a bistro you’ve never tried before, known for its fantastic appetizers.

Pair your food with a glass of refreshing cocktail to kick off the day. After enjoying some appetizers, head to a nearby restaurant that neither of you has been to for a delightful main course.

For a sweet ending, visit a spot known for mouthwatering desserts. This fun and flavorful adventure is a perfect way to bond over your shared love of food.

2. Have a Romantic Picnic

Date Ideas for Couples | fab.ng

If walking in the park no longer feels romantic, it’s time to switch things up with a cosy picnic. Dust off that picnic basket you’ve had stored away, and plan a relaxing outdoor date.

You and your partner can prepare simple meals together, like Caprese sandwiches or a fresh Greek salad. Don’t forget to pack a bottle of wine and a few blankets for lounging in the grass.

As you enjoy your homemade meal, the beautiful scenery and fresh air will make this one of the most memorable date ideas for couples. A romantic picnic is a simple yet heartfelt way to spend quality time together.

3. Enroll in a Cooking Class

For couples who enjoy cooking together, enrolling in a cooking class can be a fun and interactive way to spend time with your spouse. Whether it’s learning to make a particular soup or dish, you’ll discover new culinary skills while bonding over food.

Cooking classes offer a break from daily responsibilities and allow you to focus on each other while learning something new.

Additionally, you might meet like-minded couples who share your passion for food, making this one of the best date ideas for couples looking to expand their horizons. Plus, cooking together is a form of therapy that helps you relax and reconnect.

To make things easier, check out some dishes you can prepare for a couple’s dinner below.

4. Visit a Gallery or Museum

Date Ideas for Couples | fab.ng

Art galleries and museums provide a wonderful escape from the daily routine and offer great date ideas for couples. Even if you’re not an art expert, strolling through an exhibit can spark intriguing conversations and give you both a new appreciation for creativity.

You might even get to enjoy free snacks and drinks while taking in the artwork. For an extra dose of fun, check out museums with interactive exhibits, like any of the art museums in Nigeria. This kind of outing will give you and your partner a fresh experience, making it one of the most unique and exciting ways to spend a day together.

5. Take Pottery or Painting Classes

If you’re looking for a hands-on, creative activity, try signing up for a pottery or painting class with your spouse. Pottery is a fantastic way to get messy while learning a new skill, and it’s a great option for couples looking to try something out of the ordinary.

For an added twist, consider visiting a paint-and-sip studio where you can enjoy drinks while creating your masterpiece.

This fun and interactive date will allow you to express your artistic side and bond over a shared creative experience. This makes it one of the most engaging date ideas for couples.

6. Give Wine Tasting a Go

Wine tasting is one of the classiest and most romantic date ideas for couples. Whether you’re a wine enthusiast or simply looking to try something new, wine tasting is a great way to break free from your usual date routine.

You don’t even have to travel to a vineyard—many local wine bars host tasting events where you can explore different flavours together. You can see how to pair wines with food here.

Before you head out, take the time to figure out what types of wine you both enjoy, so you can choose the perfect tasting experience. Wine tasting offers a sophisticated yet relaxed atmosphere, making it a fantastic date option for couples looking to unwind and reconnect.

7. Volunteer with Your Partner

Volunteering together is a meaningful way to spend time with your spouse while giving back to the community. Whether you’re helping at a local shelter, cleaning up a park, or participating in a charity event, volunteering allows you to work as a team and make a positive impact.

Not only will you be helping others, but volunteering can also strengthen your relationship by fostering a sense of shared purpose. The brain’s reward centre gets activated when we help others, so you and your partner are likely to feel fulfilled and happy by the end of the day.

Volunteering is one of the most rewarding date ideas for couples, combining love with a sense of responsibility to your community.

8. Attend a Live Show or Concert

For couples who love music or theatre, attending a live performance can be one of the most entertaining date ideas for couples. Whether it’s a concert, a comedy show, or a play, live performances create an exciting atmosphere where you can enjoy each other’s company while experiencing something new.

What’s more, look for local venues hosting events that match both of your interests. Also, you can surprise your spouse with tickets to see their favourite artist or band. The thrill of a live show, combined with the energy of the crowd, will make for a night you’ll both remember.

9. Go Hiking Together

Active young black couple hiking in mountains fall season outdoors | Premium AI-generated image

For couples who enjoy the great outdoors, hiking is one of the most active and adventurous date ideas for couples. Choose a scenic trail where you can spend the day walking through nature. Moreso, where breathing in fresh air, and taking in beautiful views can work.

Hiking allows you to disconnect from the digital world and focus on each other while enjoying physical activity. Pack a backpack with snacks and water, and maybe even a small picnic to enjoy at the summit.

Whether you’re tackling a challenging hike or enjoying a leisurely stroll, this date will help you bond over a shared love for nature and adventure.

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OPINION

5 Truths That Can Save Your Love Life

Published

1 week ago

September 28, 2024

Adaeze Okechi

Truths That Can Save Your Love Life | fab.ng

Wanna the truths that can save your love life? Listen up, my people! Over the years, there have been all sorts of love issues. Trust me, it’s not been small at all.

From people getting ghosted like they’re invisible, to those dealing with partners who aren’t serious, to the headache of deciding whether to leave a relationship that’s just okay but not quite right.

Finding love? Abeg, it can be messier than Oshodi traffic on a Monday morning!

Now, I can’t give you one simple formula or catchy phrase that’ll solve all your love problems like magic. But best believe, I’ve picked up some valuable lessons along the way that can save your love life.

I will drop five big truths about love and relationships that you need to hold tight. These truths, I’m telling you, can save your love life if you take them seriously. They’ll help you navigate this crazy love thing we’re all trying to figure out.

Remember, finding true love is a journey, not a quick trip to the corner store. So take it easy, learn as you go, and always believe that your own love story is coming. These truths will save your love life if you let them, so keep them close to your heart, okay? Let’s go!

1. Be open about who you meet, but very selective about who you invest in.

Many single people approach dating like this: they swipe through profiles, attend parties, and go to singles’ events. Meanwhile, there’s this constant “NO” voice in their heads, telling them why they shouldn’t talk to someone. The voice says things like:

“Is he really wearing those shorts with that shirt?”

“She reads that silly book?”

“His smile looks too cocky.”

“I don’t trust anyone who wears beanies. She must be one of those annoying hipsters.” And on and on it goes…

Now, we all have standards, and that’s perfectly fine. But maybe that voice—the one that’s always giving us reasons not to engage—doesn’t have our best interests at heart. Because when that voice keeps you from talking to people, you end up meeting hardly anyone at all.

In fact, you meet so few people that when you finally meet one person you like, your brain jumps into overdrive, shouting, “This is it! They’re perfect!” as if you’ve found some magical solution to everything. Never mind that this person might vanish for weeks, stop responding, and then suddenly pop up again with a half-hearted “Hey, you up?” (Yes, in this flimsy metaphor, people are like bananas).

The smart way to date is to reverse this mindset: be open to talking to different people, even if it’s just for a short while. But when it comes to investing your emotions, that’s where you should be extra selective.

2. Value character as much as you value chemistry.

Hollywood and romantic novels have conditioned us to believe that if love isn’t making your heart race and leaving you breathless at every encounter, then you’re not doing it right.

Now, I’m all for that intense, passion-filled excitement that comes with the honeymoon phase of a relationship. It’s thrilling, and we all enjoy those moments of pure chemistry. But too often, we let this intoxicating excitement overshadow the more important qualities of the person standing in front of us.

Do they keep their word and follow through on what they promise? Can they truly be loyal? Do they lift you up, encouraging you and making your life feel lighter? Or do they constantly complain and leave you out of their plans?

The sooner we recognize that character and chemistry deserve equal weight, the more fulfilled and content we’ll be in the relationships we choose to build.

3. If it’s a choice between being respected and being liked, choose being respected.

Of course, you can achieve both—you can be respected and liked at the same time. But there are moments when you face a choice: do you give in to your people-pleasing tendencies and say what the other person wants to hear? Or do you stand your ground, respect yourself, and express your true needs or opinions, even if it might rub them the wrong way at that moment?

It could be setting a boundary, asking them to take the initiative and plan the next date, calling someone out on their bad behaviour, or simply ensuring that your other priorities in life stay balanced.

Whatever the situation, if you handle it with honesty and thoughtfulness, both your sense of self-worth and the way others value you will grow.

4. Disinterest is a turn-off. When someone gives you less, you should be less interested.

We’re often told that great love must come with challenges. And yes, challenges can be exciting if they come from someone who pushes us to become better versions of ourselves. But when someone is showing clear disinterest or outright ignoring you, that should always be a red flag, not something you chase after.

If there’s one lesson that could save countless people from wasting time longing for the wrong person, it’s this: someone not wanting you should instantly make you lose interest.

Why? Because, no matter how amazing this person seems on paper, they simply cannot meet your needs. They’ve failed one of the most basic requirements of loving you: the desire to be present and show it.

Start valuing how someone treats you just as much as you value chemistry and connection, and you’ll find that dating becomes a lot less complicated.

5. Choose a partner you can have a 50+ year conversation with.

Credit goes to writer David Brooks who once said, “Marriage is a 50-year conversation.”

When you truly understand the depth of that statement, it changes how you choose who to spend your life with. You begin to see the mistake of picking someone based purely on their status, looks, job, or seemingly glamorous lifestyle.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t want a partner who brings you joy in various ways, but it’s a reminder that beyond the Instagram-perfect moments of trips to Dubai and ice cream on the beach, there’s the real, everyday life you’ll share.

The dinner table conversations. Relaxing together after a long day. Taking a lazy Sunday stroll. Long car rides. Raising children. Spending time with each other’s family and friends.

So, the real question becomes: Can I spend “that” much time with this person? Am I in love with their soul? Do I enjoy hearing their thoughts? Can they connect with my mind? Do they understand me and make me feel at home?

Start with those questions, and you’ll find it much harder to make the wrong choice.

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OPINION

12 Signs Your Marriage Is Over: How To Accept The Truth

Published

2 weeks ago

September 21, 2024

Adaeze Okechi

It’s devastating to recognize that your marriage is nearing its end. However, recognizing the signs your marriage is over can help you come to terms with the reality and begin moving forward.

When you first got married, you probably imagined a future filled with happiness and unity, but things may have changed over time.

Unfortunately, life doesn’t always unfold as planned. Constant disagreements and arguments can drain your energy and leave you feeling hopeless. If you’ve invested significant effort into saving your marriage but continue to face setbacks, it’s time to confront the reality that it may be over.

As you reflect on the challenges your marriage has faced, you may find yourself clinging to hope that things will improve. However, when your heart tells you enough is enough, it’s crucial to listen and take action.

This post will explore the telltale signs that your marriage is over and guide what you can do about it.

Signs That Your Marriage Is Over

Marriage is often described as a journey that requires effort, love, and patience. However, not all marriages survive the test of time. While some issues can be resolved, others signal that the relationship is beyond repair. Recognizing these signs can help you decide whether to work on your marriage or let go. Below are 12 clear signs that your marriage is over.

1. Constant Criticism and Blame

In a healthy marriage, partners support each other. But when constant criticism takes over, it may indicate deeper issues. If you or your partner are always blaming one another for everything, this could be one of the signs your marriage is over.

No one feels valued in a relationship where fault-finding has become a daily routine. The more frequent the blame game, the deeper the cracks in the relationship.

2. Lack of Communication

Communication is key in any relationship. When open, honest conversations disappear, intimacy fades. If you and your spouse no longer talk about your feelings, daily activities, or future plans, this is one of the clear signs your marriage is over. Silence breeds distance, and without meaningful conversations, a marriage slowly withers.

3. Emotional or Physical Affair

Infidelity is a strong indication of a failing marriage. Whether it’s an emotional affair or a physical one, cheating breaks trust.

If one or both partners are seeking emotional or physical intimacy outside the marriage, it is likely one of the strongest signs your marriage is over. Rebuilding trust after infidelity is hard, and many relationships struggle to recover from this breach of loyalty.

4. You Feel Indifferent

One of the subtle yet powerful signs that your marriage is over is indifference. If you no longer care about what your partner does, whether good or bad, the emotional connection might already be lost.

Indifference signals that you no longer feel invested in the relationship. In many cases, this means your marriage has reached a dead end.

5. Living Separate Lives

When couples begin to live separate lives under the same roof, this often points to a significant disconnection. Maybe you no longer share meals, activities, or even a bedroom.

The growing gap between you two is one of the strong signs your marriage is over. Marriages thrive on shared experiences, and when those are missing, it becomes harder to maintain a bond.

6. You Fantasize About Life Without Your Partner

If you constantly imagine a happier, freer life without your spouse, this is one of the most telling signs your marriage is over. These thoughts reflect a deep dissatisfaction with your current life.

You are mentally preparing for a future without your partner, which shows that the desire to stay together has significantly diminished.

13 Common Things Husbands Do To Destroy Their Marriage

7. Frequent Fights Over Small Issues

All couples argue, but when small issues turn into explosive fights, it indicates deeper problems. Constant bickering over minor issues could be masking unresolved tensions.

If every conversation turns into a battle, it’s a glaring sign your marriage is over. Couples who can no longer have civil conversations about day-to-day matters often struggle to fix the underlying issues.

8. No More Intimacy

Intimacy is the glue that holds a marriage together. Whether it’s emotional or physical, intimacy connects couples. When this connection fades, the relationship suffers.

If you and your partner no longer touch, hug, kiss, or show affection, it may be one of the signs your marriage is over. Physical and emotional distance are strong indicators that the bond has weakened beyond repair.

9. You Feel Trapped

Feeling stuck in your marriage is a red flag. If you feel like you’re just going through the motions and can’t see a way out, it could be one of the clear signs your marriage is over.

A healthy relationship should make you feel supported, not trapped. If you’re only staying out of obligation, fear, or convenience, the emotional connection has likely already dissolved.

10. You No Longer Prioritize Each Other

In a healthy marriage, partners make each other a priority. However, when you or your spouse stop making an effort to spend time together, it shows disinterest.

If work, friends, or hobbies consistently take precedence over your relationship, it may be one of the signs your marriage is over. Neglecting the marriage often leads to emotional distance, making it harder to reconnect.

11. Different Life Goals

People grow and change over time. However, when couples grow in opposite directions, it can spell trouble. If you and your spouse no longer share the same goals, whether it’s about careers, children, or lifestyle choices, this can be a sign that your marriage is over.

Conflicting visions of the future often lead to frustration and disappointment. Without shared goals, it’s difficult to sustain a fulfilling marriage.

12. Counseling Isn’t Helping

Many couples turn to therapy when their marriage is on the rocks. But when counselling sessions no longer bring progress, it can be one of the final signs your marriage is over. If both partners have tried therapy but are still unhappy, it may be time to face the truth.

Counselling only works when both individuals are willing to make the necessary changes. When this isn’t the case, moving on may be the best option.

Questions To Ask Yourself

Once you have identified the signs that your relationship is over, it’s time to reflect and ask yourself some important questions.

Are you feeling indifferent towards your spouse?
Does your spouse also show signs of indifference or treat you harshly?
Has intimacy completely disappeared from your relationship?
Have you exhausted all your patience and hope in trying to fix your broken relationship?
Do you find that you no longer like anything your partner does, and they feel the same way about you?
Is there infidelity, addiction, or abuse present in your marriage?

If you find yourself answering “yes” to most or all of these questions, it may be time to prepare yourself for ending the marriage.

What should you do before calling it quits?

Before you decide to end your marriage, there are some important steps you can take to ensure a smoother transition.

First, do everything you can to reduce stress. Spend time with friends and family, or take a break from work to regain a sense of stability. Feeling grounded will help you better handle whatever comes next.

Next, create a clear plan for your future. This will give you a sense of purpose and control over your life. You may need to rebuild your financial situation, so explore job opportunities or educational options that align with your needs.

If you need some time for reflection, consider planning a weekend getaway. A change of scenery can help you gain clarity and make more thoughtful decisions.

If you fear your spouse may react violently when you share your decision, it’s important to distance yourself from them and communicate remotely for your safety.

Once you’ve decided to leave the relationship and have taken the necessary steps, it’s wise to seek professional help. A counsellor or lawyer can guide you through the emotional and legal aspects of separation and divorce.

Tips To Move On After A Marital Break

Once you’ve decided to end the relationship, it’s essential to take steps that will help you heal and move forward. Here are some tips that might aid you in transitioning from married life to single life.

Understand that your marriage has fulfilled its purpose. Look at the relationship as something that served a role in your life, and recognize that it has now run its course.

Reflect on the lessons you’ve learned, the ways you’ve grown, and the experiences you’ve gained. This type of soul-searching can be incredibly helpful as you move into future relationships.

Allow yourself to feel the pain. Don’t suppress your emotions or try to ignore the difficult feelings you’re experiencing. Acknowledge the grief, sadness, or anger that comes with the end of a marriage. Letting yourself mourn will ultimately help you heal. Holding onto these emotions can negatively impact your mental health, so it’s important to face them head-on.

Monitor your emotional well-being closely. If your feelings of grief or sadness become overwhelming or start affecting your health, it’s essential to reach out to a psychological counsellor. Don’t ignore symptoms of depression or emotional distress. A therapist can help you cope with the transition and provide guidance as you adjust to your new reality.

Stay positively involved in life. Surround yourself with close friends who offer emotional and social support. Friends can provide comfort and a sense of normalcy during tough times. Stay active by joining clubs, participating in social groups, or indulging in your hobbies. Engaging in recreational activities will help you maintain a positive mindset.

What causes a marriage to end?

Several factors contribute to the end of a marriage. Infidelity, lack of commitment, frequent conflicts, domestic violence, and substance abuse are among the most common reasons for divorce or separation.

Other significant factors include a lack of physical and emotional intimacy, as well as financial issues, which can create strain and ultimately lead to the breakdown of the relationship.

How do I accept that my marriage is over?

Accepting that your marriage is over takes time and emotional strength. Allow yourself to mourn the loss for as long as necessary. Cut off contact with your ex to create emotional distance.

Share your feelings with a trusted friend or family member, and make self-care a priority during this difficult time. Forgiving yourself is also essential for healing.

Focus on moving forward, and avoid involving your children in any disputes. Remember, time is the greatest healer, so give yourself the space and time you need to process everything.

At what point can a marriage not be saved?

Determining when a marriage cannot be saved is not always straightforward, as each situation is unique. Certain circumstances, such as infidelity or abuse, can make it much more difficult to repair a relationship.

Deciding whether to try and save the marriage or end it should be made thoughtfully, often with the support of a therapist who can help guide the process.

If you notice the signs of a failing marriage in your relationship, take a step back to evaluate the situation. Consider your emotional connection with your spouse, and make a firm decision that will allow you to lead a happier life.

It can be tough to come to terms with the reality that the marriage you believed would last forever is now falling apart. However, cutting ties with a toxic relationship is often the best way to protect yourself from further harm.

If you have given your all to save the marriage and it still isn’t working, remember that a lifeless, loveless marriage will end eventually, and the sooner you accept this, the better off you’ll be.

Recognizing When It’s Time to Move On

These “12 signs your marriage is over” may resonate with you if you are experiencing deep issues in your relationship. While every marriage goes through rough patches, prolonged and unresolved problems are often a signal that the relationship has run its course. Recognizing these signs can be the first step toward deciding whether to stay or move on.

Ending a marriage is never easy, but staying in one that is no longer working can be even harder. It’s important to acknowledge when the love and connection have faded, and allow both partners the opportunity to find happiness elsewhere.

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