Wanna the truths that can save your love life? Listen up, my people! Over the years, there have been all sorts of love issues. Trust me, it’s not been small at all.

From people getting ghosted like they’re invisible, to those dealing with partners who aren’t serious, to the headache of deciding whether to leave a relationship that’s just okay but not quite right.

Finding love? Abeg, it can be messier than Oshodi traffic on a Monday morning!

Now, I can’t give you one simple formula or catchy phrase that’ll solve all your love problems like magic. But best believe, I’ve picked up some valuable lessons along the way that can save your love life.

I will drop five big truths about love and relationships that you need to hold tight. These truths, I’m telling you, can save your love life if you take them seriously. They’ll help you navigate this crazy love thing we’re all trying to figure out.

Remember, finding true love is a journey, not a quick trip to the corner store. So take it easy, learn as you go, and always believe that your own love story is coming. These truths will save your love life if you let them, so keep them close to your heart, okay? Let’s go!

1. Be open about who you meet, but very selective about who you invest in.

Many single people approach dating like this: they swipe through profiles, attend parties, and go to singles’ events. Meanwhile, there’s this constant “NO” voice in their heads, telling them why they shouldn’t talk to someone. The voice says things like:

“Is he really wearing those shorts with that shirt?”

“She reads that silly book?”

“His smile looks too cocky.”

“I don’t trust anyone who wears beanies. She must be one of those annoying hipsters.” And on and on it goes…

Now, we all have standards, and that’s perfectly fine. But maybe that voice—the one that’s always giving us reasons not to engage—doesn’t have our best interests at heart. Because when that voice keeps you from talking to people, you end up meeting hardly anyone at all.

In fact, you meet so few people that when you finally meet one person you like, your brain jumps into overdrive, shouting, “This is it! They’re perfect!” as if you’ve found some magical solution to everything. Never mind that this person might vanish for weeks, stop responding, and then suddenly pop up again with a half-hearted “Hey, you up?” (Yes, in this flimsy metaphor, people are like bananas).

The smart way to date is to reverse this mindset: be open to talking to different people, even if it’s just for a short while. But when it comes to investing your emotions, that’s where you should be extra selective.

2. Value character as much as you value chemistry.

Hollywood and romantic novels have conditioned us to believe that if love isn’t making your heart race and leaving you breathless at every encounter, then you’re not doing it right.

Now, I’m all for that intense, passion-filled excitement that comes with the honeymoon phase of a relationship. It’s thrilling, and we all enjoy those moments of pure chemistry. But too often, we let this intoxicating excitement overshadow the more important qualities of the person standing in front of us.

Do they keep their word and follow through on what they promise? Can they truly be loyal? Do they lift you up, encouraging you and making your life feel lighter? Or do they constantly complain and leave you out of their plans?

The sooner we recognize that character and chemistry deserve equal weight, the more fulfilled and content we’ll be in the relationships we choose to build.

3. If it’s a choice between being respected and being liked, choose being respected.

Of course, you can achieve both—you can be respected and liked at the same time. But there are moments when you face a choice: do you give in to your people-pleasing tendencies and say what the other person wants to hear? Or do you stand your ground, respect yourself, and express your true needs or opinions, even if it might rub them the wrong way at that moment?

It could be setting a boundary, asking them to take the initiative and plan the next date, calling someone out on their bad behaviour, or simply ensuring that your other priorities in life stay balanced.

Whatever the situation, if you handle it with honesty and thoughtfulness, both your sense of self-worth and the way others value you will grow.

4. Disinterest is a turn-off. When someone gives you less, you should be less interested.

We’re often told that great love must come with challenges. And yes, challenges can be exciting if they come from someone who pushes us to become better versions of ourselves. But when someone is showing clear disinterest or outright ignoring you, that should always be a red flag, not something you chase after.

If there’s one lesson that could save countless people from wasting time longing for the wrong person, it’s this: someone not wanting you should instantly make you lose interest.

Why? Because, no matter how amazing this person seems on paper, they simply cannot meet your needs. They’ve failed one of the most basic requirements of loving you: the desire to be present and show it.

Start valuing how someone treats you just as much as you value chemistry and connection, and you’ll find that dating becomes a lot less complicated.

5. Choose a partner you can have a 50+ year conversation with.

Credit goes to writer David Brooks who once said, “Marriage is a 50-year conversation.”

When you truly understand the depth of that statement, it changes how you choose who to spend your life with. You begin to see the mistake of picking someone based purely on their status, looks, job, or seemingly glamorous lifestyle.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t want a partner who brings you joy in various ways, but it’s a reminder that beyond the Instagram-perfect moments of trips to Dubai and ice cream on the beach, there’s the real, everyday life you’ll share.

The dinner table conversations. Relaxing together after a long day. Taking a lazy Sunday stroll. Long car rides. Raising children. Spending time with each other’s family and friends.

So, the real question becomes: Can I spend “that” much time with this person? Am I in love with their soul? Do I enjoy hearing their thoughts? Can they connect with my mind? Do they understand me and make me feel at home?

Start with those questions, and you’ll find it much harder to make the wrong choice.

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Recognizing When It’s Time to Move On

These “12 signs your marriage is over” may resonate with you if you are experiencing deep issues in your relationship. While every marriage goes through rough patches, prolonged and unresolved problems are often a signal that the relationship has run its course. Recognizing these signs can be the first step toward deciding whether to stay or move on.

Ending a marriage is never easy, but staying in one that is no longer working can be even harder. It’s important to acknowledge when the love and connection have faded, and allow both partners the opportunity to find happiness elsewhere.

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Are you on a quest on how to build and maintain healthy relationships? First, you must understand that healthy relationships profoundly impact your overall well-being. They foster happiness and satisfaction in your life.

Yes, when you cultivate supportive and loving connections with your partner and family members, you create an environment that enhances everyone’s quality of life and self-esteem. These positive relationships contribute to a sense of fulfilment and contentment, acting as a foundation for personal growth and emotional stability.

Building and maintaining healthy relationships requires dedicated effort and commitment. They don’t materialize spontaneously but evolve through conscious actions and open communication.

As you invest more positive energy into your relationships, you’ll likely notice a corresponding improvement in their quality and depth. This investment might involve actively listening to your loved ones, showing empathy, practising forgiveness, and consistently demonstrating your care and appreciation.

The process of nurturing healthy relationships is ongoing, demanding regular attention and care. By consistently working on your connections with others, you create a robust support system that can weather life’s challenges. This continuous effort pays dividends in the form of stronger bonds, increased trust, and a more harmonious living environment for all involved.

You must keep in mind that the health of your relationships directly correlates with the amount of positive effort you put into them. So, by prioritizing these connections and actively working to strengthen them, you’re not only improving your own life but also positively impacting the lives of those around you.

This reciprocal nature of healthy relationships creates a cycle of positivity that can lead to long-lasting happiness and mutual growth.

What are the signs of a healthy relationship?

In healthy relationships, individuals actively love and support one another. They provide practical assistance as well as emotional backing to their partners. These supportive partners stand by each other during both joyful moments and challenging times, offering unwavering support throughout life’s ups and downs.

Healthy relationships typically build their foundations on several key elements:

• Partners demonstrate mutual respect, maintain honesty in their interactions, and cultivate trust between them.
• They engage in open communication, freely expressing thoughts and feelings.
• Both individuals in the relationship enjoy equal standing and treatment.
• They embrace a balance of shared activities and individual pursuits.
• Partners strive to understand each other’s perspectives and experiences.
• They show genuine care and concern for one another’s well-being.
• Couples align their values on crucial matters such as financial management, approaches to raising children, and other significant life decisions.

What are the benefits of healthy relationships?

Individuals who maintain healthy relationships often experience higher levels of happiness and life satisfaction. These people face a lower risk of developing physical and mental health issues compared to those in unhealthy relationships or without strong social connections.

Healthy relationships contribute to personal well-being in several significant ways:

• They boost your sense of self-worth, foster a feeling of belonging, and combat feelings of loneliness.
• These positive connections instil confidence in you, enhancing your self-esteem and ability to face life’s challenges.
• Strong, supportive relationships provide you with the emotional resources to navigate and overcome difficult periods in your life more effectively.

By cultivating and nurturing healthy relationships, you create a robust support system that enhances your overall quality of life. These connections serve as a buffer against stress, offer emotional stability, and provide a foundation for personal growth and resilience.

The positive impact of healthy relationships extends beyond immediate emotional benefits, influencing your long-term physical and mental health outcomes.

What is communication in a healthy relationship?

Individuals in healthy relationships engage in regular and effective communication, actively talking and listening to each other. Despite their best efforts, misunderstandings can still occur. This can potentially lead to feelings of upset, hurt, or confusion.

When communicating, ensure you:

• Maintain clarity about your intended message.
• Genuinely strive to comprehend the other person’s perspective.
• Verify your understanding by seeking confirmation.

Remember that loving someone doesn’t automatically grant you the ability to read their thoughts or guarantee effective communication.

To foster more open communication in your relationship, you can:

• Designate uninterrupted time for conversations with each other.
• Express physical affection through kisses and hugs, and maintain eye contact during conversations.
• Practice active listening, giving your full attention to your partner.
• Discuss matters honestly and respectfully, even when addressing difficult topics.
• Share both minor and major events occurring in your lives.
• Clearly express your wants and needs, and openly discuss any differences of opinion.

Communication extends beyond verbal exchanges. Non-verbal cues, including your posture, tone of voice, and facial expressions, convey powerful messages about your emotions and attitudes.

In fact, non-verbal communication can carry even more weight than spoken words, especially when your actions contradict your verbal statements. This discrepancy between words and behaviour can significantly impact the effectiveness and authenticity of your communication.

How can I maintain healthy relationships?

Investing time and commitment into maintaining healthy relationships proves crucial for personal well-being. While no relationship achieves perfection, a healthy connection should bring you more happiness than stress.

Consider these tips for fostering a healthy relationship:

1. Be clear about what you want — Articulate your point clearly and honestly while respecting your partner’s perspective. Opt for ‘I’ statements instead of critical ‘you’ statements. For instance, express “I really hate it when you don’t clean up the dishes” rather than “You never help me in the kitchen.”

2. Say sorry when you’re wrong – Apologizing sincerely helps heal relationships and strengthens your bond.

3. Be affectionate and show appreciation – Combat routine by creating special moments together and consistently demonstrating affection. Even simple acts like cuddling on the couch after work reinforce intimacy.

4. Make your relationship a priority – Balance relationships, work, family, and friends by setting boundaries at work and learning to decline unnecessary commitments. This approach ensures you dedicate time to nurturing your relationship.

5. Find shared interests – Discover hobbies you both enjoy to spend quality time together. Consider options like attending a night class or taking up a new sport as a couple.

6. Find solutions that work for both of you – Address conflicts by respecting and accepting your differences and similarities. Seek compromises that satisfy both partners to resolve issues effectively.

7. Make time for family time – Despite busy schedules, prioritize family gatherings. Even one family meal per week provides an opportunity for everyone to reconnect, catch up, and communicate openly with each other.

Are you having relationship issues?

It’s common for relationships to experience ups and downs, as well as for partners to hold differing opinions. Over time, both relationships and the people involved naturally evolve.

A relationship becomes unhealthy when one partner dominates or holds more power over the other, or when abuse or violence is present.

When a relationship comes to an end, it can be an extremely painful period. For those coming out of long-term relationships, the recovery process may take two years or even longer as they work to rebuild their lives. During this time, some individuals may face serious health issues or emotional struggles.

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