OPINION

Is Your Partner Getting Close To Their Ex? Here’s What To Do

Published

6 months ago

May 12, 2024

Do these if your partner starts getting close to their ex | Fab.ng

It can be a real gut punch to see your partner getting close to their ex. A whirlwind of emotions—insecurity, jealousy, and confusion—can leave you feeling lost. Before you spiral, take a deep breath and consider the situation.

Here are 7 steps you can take when your partner is getting close to their ex:

1. Decode your feelings

Start with some self-reflection. What exactly is bugging you? Are you feeling insecure about your place in the relationship? Does the renewed contact with the ex trigger past experiences of betrayal? Identifying the root of your discomfort is crucial for effective communication.

2. Communicate your feelings openly and honestly

Once you’ve untangled your emotions, it’s time for a heart-to-heart with your partner. Choose a calm, private moment and express your concerns. Here’s the key: use “I” statements.

Instead of accusatory phrases like “You’re always talking to your ex,” try “I feel insecure when you spend a lot of time with them.” This approach focuses on your feelings and opens the door for a productive conversation.

Listen attentively to your partner’s perspective too. Try to understand why they feel the need for this reconnection. Is it unresolved issues, shared childcare responsibilities, or a genuine desire to maintain a civil friendship?

3. Take a relationship inventory

Sometimes, increased contact with an ex can be a symptom of a deeper issue in your current relationship. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your dynamics.

Are your needs being met? Is there a sense of disconnect that might be pushing your partner towards their ex for emotional fulfilment? Talk openly and honestly about these issues and explore ways to strengthen your bond.

4. Respect boundaries, but set your own

If your partner has a child with their ex, regular contact is likely unavoidable. That’s okay! Respect these boundaries and discuss how you’d like to be involved, especially if it impacts your family dynamic.

For instance, if your partner has weekend visits with their ex and child, is there a way you can participate in some of those activities to create a sense of togetherness?

It’s also perfectly reasonable to feel uncomfortable if the level of contact with the ex seems excessive or emotionally charged. Communicate these boundaries clearly and respectfully to your partner.

5. Focus on trust and transparency

Open communication and trust are the bedrock of any strong relationship. If your partner is open and honest about their interactions with their ex, it can significantly ease your anxieties.

They should be willing to share details about the nature of their communication and assure you that there’s nothing to hide. However, if you discover a pattern of secrecy or dishonesty, it’s a major red flag that needs to be addressed directly.

6. Don’t let the ex steal your spotlight

It’s easy to get caught up in the drama of your partner’s past relationship. But don’t let the ex become the centre of your attention. Focus on strengthening the bond you share with your partner.

Plan exciting date nights, engage in shared activities you both enjoy, and maintain open communication. Invest in making your own relationship a priority.

7. Seek professional help when needed

If communication seems like an insurmountable hurdle or insecurities are overwhelming, consider seeking professional help from a couples therapist. A therapist can provide a safe space for open communication and guide you both towards healthy relationship dynamics.

They can also help you identify underlying issues that might be contributing to the situation and develop strategies to address them.

Bonus tips:

Don’t be possessive: While it’s natural to want to feel secure in your relationship, avoid controlling your partner’s interactions. Encourage healthy boundaries with their ex, but don’t try to isolate them. Trust is a two-way street, and fostering a sense of independence will ultimately strengthen your bond.
Maintain your self-confidence: Don’t let the presence of an ex chip away at your self-worth. Remind yourself of what makes you an amazing partner and the unique qualities you bring to the relationship.
Don’t snoop: The urge to check your partner’s phone or social media for reassurance might be strong, but resist it! This behaviour can damage trust and create unnecessary tension.

Remember, open communication and trust are key. By addressing your concerns honestly and working together towards healthy boundaries, you can navigate this situation and emerge with a stronger, more secure relationship.

Read more about love and relationships here.

OPINION

10 Ways To Let Go Of Negative Thoughts In A Relationship

Published

1 day ago

November 3, 2024

Adaeze Okechi

Letting Go Of Negative Thoughts In A Relationship | fab.ng

What causes negative thoughts in a relationship?

Negative thoughts in a relationship often arise when a partner says or does something that upsets you, and instead of addressing the issue openly, you bottle up those emotions.

Rather than having an honest discussion or a healthy argument to resolve the matter, you choose to internalize the hurt, allowing negativity to fester.

Several factors can lead to negative thinking in a relationship. This includes unresolved conflicts, poor communication, trust issues, past traumas, unrealistic expectations, or a generally pessimistic mindset from one or both partners. Each of these can strain the relationship and lead to further emotional distance if not addressed.

You must express your hurt or frustration openly, rather than letting those feelings build up into negative thoughts that erode the connection between you and your partner.

Keeping these emotions bottled up leads to misunderstanding and resentment, causing both partners to drift apart. If these issues remain unresolved, they can eventually cause the relationship to fall apart.

By tackling these negative patterns head-on, couples can rebuild their emotional bond and strengthen their connection.

Redirect negative thoughts in your relationship into positive, constructive ones by following steps that let you acknowledge, process, and then release them. Studies highlight a “magic relationship ratio” that can transform negativity into positivity, improving relationship satisfaction.

How to Overcome Negative Thoughts in a Relationship

Negative thought patterns can cast a shadow over even the strongest relationships. By understanding the root causes and implementing practical strategies, you can break free from these harmful cycles and cultivate a more positive and fulfilling connection.

1. Step Back and Regain Perspective

Recognize that your thoughts are not an intrinsic part of you. They are fleeting visitors that can be acknowledged and set aside without immediate reaction. By creating distance between yourself and negative thoughts, you gain a clearer perspective and realize their temporary nature.

2. Identify the Culprits

The first step to overcoming negative thoughts is to identify them. Pay attention to recurring patterns, such as self-doubt, resentment, or fear. Journaling or meditation can be helpful tools for uncovering the underlying causes of these thoughts, whether they stem from past experiences or present-day challenges.

3. Embrace Your Emotions

Many people suppress their emotions, believing that ignoring them will make them disappear. However, this approach can lead to increased stress and anxiety. Instead, allow yourself to feel your emotions fully. By acknowledging and accepting your feelings, you can process them healthily and let them go.

4. Express Gratitude and Release Control

Negative thoughts often serve as a protective mechanism, alerting us to potential threats. However, it’s important to balance this protective function with gratitude and acceptance. By appreciating the positive aspects of your relationship and releasing the need to control every situation, you can alleviate unnecessary stress and anxiety.

5. Seek Support and Gain Fresh Perspectives

Don’t hesitate to reach out to trusted friends, family, or a therapist for support and guidance. Sharing your concerns with others can provide valuable insights and alternative viewpoints. A therapist can offer professional advice and tools to help you overcome negative thought patterns and build a stronger relationship.

6. Practice Forgiveness and Let Go of Grudges

Holding onto grudges can poison your mind and your relationship. By forgiving your partner for past mistakes, you free yourself from resentment and create space for growth and understanding.

7. Prioritize Self-Care

To cultivate a healthy relationship, you must first nurture your own well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy, practice self-compassion, and prioritize self-care. When you feel good about yourself, you’re better equipped to handle challenges and maintain a positive outlook.

8. Replace Negativity with Positivity

Challenge negative thoughts by consciously replacing them with positive affirmations. Focus on your partner’s strengths and express gratitude for their positive qualities. By consistently affirming the positive aspects of your relationship, you can rewire your brain to think more positively.

9. Harness the Power of Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness and meditation can help you quiet your mind, observe your thoughts without judgment, and let go of negativity more easily. Regular practice can promote emotional resilience and a healthier mindset.

10. Set Realistic Expectations

Unrealistic expectations can lead to disappointment and frustration. Instead, set realistic goals for yourself and your partner. Remember that relationships are imperfect and require effort from both parties. By embracing imperfections and approaching challenges with patience and understanding, you can build a stronger and more resilient bond.

By implementing these strategies, you can transform your relationship and create a more positive and fulfilling future together.

Can negative thoughts ruin your relationship?

Yes, negativity can significantly damage a relationship. It can erode trust, breed resentment, and hinder open communication. Over time, constant negativity can create a toxic environment that stifles emotional intimacy and overall happiness.

What happens if your partner is too negative?

A consistently negative partner can strain a relationship to its breaking point. Their negativity can lead to increased conflict, decreased emotional intimacy, and a general lack of fulfilment. In severe cases, it can even lead to feelings of isolation and depression.

Negative thought patterns can create a vicious cycle, gradually eroding a once-healthy relationship. If your partner is unwilling to acknowledge their negative behaviour or respond to constructive communication, seeking professional help through couples counselling may be the best course of action.

This can provide a neutral space for open dialogue and help both partners develop healthier communication and conflict-resolution skills.

If you would like to read more on love and relationships, check here.

OPINION

Why Some Men Don’t Admit They’re In A Relationship

Published

1 week ago

October 27, 2024

Adaeze Okechi

Why men don't admit they are in a relationship fab.ng

Many people experience the emotional confusion and frustration of dating someone who refuses to acknowledge their relationship publicly. Understanding why men don’t admit they’re in a relationship status often requires examining various psychological and social factors that influence this behaviour.

First and foremost, some men maintain secrecy due to unresolved feelings from past relationships or fear of commitment. Additionally, they might worry about potential judgment from friends, family, or colleagues. This is a common reason why men don’t admit they’re in relationship scenarios.

Furthermore, social media has complicated relationship dynamics, making some individuals even more hesitant to declare their relationship status.

For instance, they might fear the pressure that comes with public announcements or dread the possibility of having to explain a potential breakup later. These concerns frequently contribute to why men don’t admit they’re in relationship situations, especially in today’s digital age.

Moreover, professional circumstances can influence this behaviour, particularly when someone works in an environment where personal relationships might affect their career trajectory. Sometimes, cultural or family expectations also play a significant role in keeping relationships private.

Understanding these complex factors helps explain why men don’t admit they’re in relationship contexts, even when deeply committed to their partners.

In conclusion, while this situation can cause significant emotional distress for their partners, recognizing these underlying reasons can help facilitate open communication and understanding between couples. Here are more major reasons men don’t admit they’re in a relationship:

1. They Enjoy the Attention of Other Women

Some men are simply not ready to settle down and prefer to keep their options open. Admitting they’re in a relationship might close off potential opportunities for attention from other women, which they find exciting. By keeping their status a secret, they can enjoy the thrill of being pursued.

2. They Don’t See a Future in the Relationship

Sometimes, a man may not admit to being in a relationship because he doesn’t believe it will last long-term. He may enjoy the moment and the companionship but isn’t emotionally invested in taking things to the next level. By keeping things ambiguous, he can maintain his options.

3. They Are Not Sure About Their Partner Yet

A man may care deeply about his partner but still be unsure if she is “the one.” Until he figures out his feelings or resolves doubts about compatibility, he may refrain from openly stating that he’s in a relationship. This hesitation often stems from uncertainty and a desire for clarity before committing.

4. They Fear Losing Their Freedom

For some men, admitting they’re in a relationship feels like losing their freedom. They might worry that being “taken” means giving up their independence, spontaneity, or social life.

This fear can lead them to keep things on the down low, as they see it as a way to maintain their sense of freedom while still enjoying the benefits of being with someone.

5. They Don’t Want to Face Pressure from Friends and Family

A man might avoid admitting he’s in a relationship to escape pressure from his friends or family. Some may not want to deal with the constant questions or expectations that come once a relationship is out in the open.

Keeping things private helps them avoid unnecessary scrutiny or pressure about where the relationship is heading.

It’s important to communicate and understand each other’s intentions early on, so both partners are on the same page about their expectations and where the relationship is going.

For more reads on relationships, visit here.

OPINION

10 Signs Of A Negative Relationship

Published

1 week ago

October 27, 2024

Adaeze Okechi

Signs Of A Negative Relationship | fab.ng

Relationships thrive when partners engage mentally, emotionally, and physically. One partner’s behaviour actively shapes the relationship’s health. This is very important in recognizing signs of a negative relationship.

First and foremost, when one partner dwells on negative ideas, they create an environment filled with tension and anxiety. As a result, both partners begin sensing problems even where none exist, which represents clear signs of a negative relationship.

Furthermore, many couples fall into the trap of overly focusing on negative aspects. They actively spend their time and energy ruminating on problems instead of celebrating positive moments or acknowledging daily joys.

These signs of negative relationship patterns become particularly damaging when one partner consistently criticizes mistakes rather than celebrates successes.

For example, a single criticism can consume someone’s thoughts for days, yet they might quickly dismiss or question a sincere compliment like “Way to go.”

Additionally, many individuals actively resist accepting praise, instead transforming it into something negative by questioning its sincerity or timing. Consequently, these thought patterns manifest similarly in romantic partnerships.

Most importantly, while spoken words carry weight, internal thoughts wield significant power. Therefore, when partners harbour negative thoughts, they unconsciously transform minor concerns into major conflicts, displaying classic signs of negative relationship behaviours.

In conclusion, mastering the ability to eliminate negative thoughts actively strengthens a relationship’s emotional foundation and ensures its longevity.

What is negativity in a relationship?

Negativity in a relationship is a harmful pattern of suppressing feelings like fear, anger, sadness, frustration, or resentment when a partner says or does something upsetting.

Although you may pretend to have moved on, these negative emotions linger. Maintaining a healthy relationship is challenging, especially when dealing with a difficult partner.

Carrying fear or negativity can deteriorate the connection you’ve built. Open communication is essential to address these sour feelings and transform them into positivity instead of hiding genuine emotions.

What are some negative relationship examples?

Christiana Njoku, a licensed Professional Counselor and Relationship Coach, highlights a red flag in a negative relationship: a partner who isolates you from family and friends, even those known before you met them. This indicates possessiveness.

Here are other examples of negative relationship dynamics:

Controlling behaviour: One partner attempts to dominate and dictate everything, from the other’s actions and attire to their social circle.
Possessiveness and isolation: A partner tries to keep the other away from friends and family, driven by power and jealousy.

What does a negative relationship feel like?

A negative relationship drains your energy, suffocates your emotions, and feels emotionally toxic. Constant tension and frequent arguments define the dynamic, while support and understanding are noticeably absent.

You start to feel resentment, loneliness, and a growing sense of disconnection from your partner. Trust and intimacy break down, leaving both partners feeling unhappy and dissatisfied with the relationship.

10 Signs of a Negative Relationship

Negative relationships can be emotionally draining and detrimental to your overall well-being. While you may not immediately recognize the problem, certain warning signs can indicate that something is amiss.

Here are some key indicators:

1. Loss of Solace

When a partner holds onto negative thoughts, the stress and tension can spill over into the home environment, making it difficult to find solace. In a healthy relationship, the mere sight of your loved one can alleviate negative feelings.

If this is no longer the case, it suggests that negative thoughts are negatively impacting the relationship. You may need to communicate your dissatisfaction or consider separating if your partner is unwilling to address their negativity.

2. Avoidance and Emotional Distance

Even when spending time together, you may feel a noticeable void between you, a sense of emptiness. Your partner may be making little effort to connect, offering no communication and maintaining a cool distance. When conversations do occur, they may be characterized by bickering rather than pleasantness.

3. Unnatural Sharing

In the early stages of a relationship, sharing every detail of your day, no matter how small, is common. However, in a negative relationship, sharing can feel unnatural.

Small details may be met with disdain or criticism instead of appreciation. You may find yourself preferring to share with friends or family members instead.

4. Insecurity and Control

Where there was once safety and security, you may now feel unsure. Your partner may question your need for alone time or time with friends and family, displaying signs of paranoia and control. These controlling behaviours can be a significant indicator of a negative relationship.

5. Constant Complaining

Negative thoughts often lead to constant complaining, regardless of your efforts. This can erode your confidence and self-esteem. Your partner may seem resentful, and you may be unsure of the underlying cause of their negativity.

6. Lack of Support and Growth

In a negative relationship, your partner may be less likely to support your growth and goals. They may discourage new hobbies or interests, demonstrating a lack of confidence in your abilities. This can lead to you feeling more connected to friends and family than your partner.

7. Lack of Love and Caring

Constant negativity can erode the feelings of love and caring in a relationship. You may feel a sense of longing for the love and support that you are missing. If your partner is unable to recognize or address their negativity, the relationship may become unsustainable.

8. Frequent Arguments and Bickering

Constructive communication can be challenging in a negative relationship. Instead, you may find yourself constantly arguing and bickering.

Every attempt to redirect negative thoughts can be met with adversity. If you can’t recall moments of peace and connection, it’s a sign that your partner’s negativity is taking over.

9. Unilateral Decision-Making

When partners make significant decisions without discussing them, it can indicate underlying negativity in the relationship. Important life decisions should be made together. If your partner is making decisions unilaterally, it may be a sign of a deteriorating relationship.

10. Lies and Trust Issues

Lies can erode trust in a relationship. If you find yourself lying or if your partner is lying, it can be a sign of deeper problems. If you’re facing trust issues, it’s important to address them openly and honestly. Consider seeking the help of a counsellor to navigate these challenges.

Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, understanding, and support. If you recognize these signs in your relationship, it’s important to address the issues and work towards creating a more positive and fulfilling partnership.

If you would like to read more relationships articles, check here.