Most HR professionals get nervous when the subject arises. Rightfully so, as the topic is littered with legal issues, charged emotions, and awkward conversations.
Yet many studies shows almost half of workers have had or will have a workplace romance which makes sense given how much time we spend at work.
The truth is: office romance happens, but because most of us avoid talking about it, we often don’t know how to approach it respectfully and with intention.
First off, if you can help it, avoid dating anyone, under you, or above you in the chain of command. It’s the most likely relationship to cause legal issues or questions around integrity (yours or theirs). If you choose to pursue it despite the risks, request that one of you move out of the reporting structure. As for other scenarios, creating a healthy sustainable relationship requires being deliberate about what you say, don’t say, do and don’t do, in and out of what you define as the “workplace.”
Before you commit to a relationship with a colleague, ask yourself three questions:
1. What are the majority of your conversations about?
2. Do you only talk about work?
3. Do you spend most of your time “trauma sharing” about your boss or all the overtime you’ve put in?
If you answered yes to the last two questions, it’s possible the connection might not sustain. The thing is, it’s common and natural to bond with our coworkers over the pains and pleasures of a job. So before rushing into romance, make sure to look for shared values outside the office. Often people are searching for affirmation and sympathy and it is easy to blur those lines with our more intimate needs for love, touch, and support.
If you work in an office with many locations, your work doesn’t involve a lot of contact with each other, and neither of you has a position of influence over the other, then it’s probably not a big deal. Make sure you understand the impacts the relationship might have on you, your partner, and the business if things go smoothly, if the ride gets bumpy, or if the romance comes to an end.
Are yo worried that all this thinking and planning is going to take the “romance” out of office romance? It won’t. Healthy, lasting relationships are built on trust and consideration. If you’re just looking for a fling, you may be better off searching outside your professional circles. That said, relationships are unpredictable, so if what starts out feeling like a deep connection turns out just to be infatuation, that’s also okay. But if you give thought and attention to the relationship from the start, you’re more likely to find a lasting, meaningful connection.
The bottom line: Create clear boundaries and expectations, go slow, and discuss what might happen if it doesn’t work out.
