LIFESTYLE

3 Toxic Behaviors Hurting Your Relationship

Published

6 years ago

August 14, 2018

FAB.NG

No relationship is perfect. You and your partner are flawed humans and slipping up every now and again is okay.

You get angry, say something you don’t mean, and hopefully at the end of it you apologize and try to do better.

However, there are those who treat their partners in ways that are seriously problematic which ends up making the relationship toxic.

Toxic behaviors, are red flags. A toxic relationship can be draining mentally, emotionally and physically. But one of the terrifying things about these relationships is that it can be tricky to spot the warning signs – and, let’s be honest, sometimes we ignore them.

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THE RELATIONSHIP SCORECARD

The “keeping score” phenomenon is when someone you’re dating continues to blame you for past mistakes you made in the relationship. If both people in the relationship do this, then the relationship is heading for the rocks. Unconsciously, it becomes a battle to see who has screwed up the most over the months or years, and therefore who owes the other one more. This is a NO-NO and it should be kicked out with immediate effect.

DROPPING “HINTS” AND OTHER PASSIVE-AGGRESSION

Many partners are guilty of this. Instead of stating a desire or thought overtly, your partner tries to nudge you in the right direction of figuring it out yourself. Instead of saying what’s actually upsetting you, you find small and petty ways to piss your partner off so you’ll then feel justified in complaining to them. Why not state your feelings and desires openly. And make it clear that the other person is not necessarily responsible or obligated to them but that you’d love to have their support. If they love you, they’ll almost always be able to give it. If we are used to dropping hint and other passive aggression, it shows that you two are not comfortable communicating openly and clearly with one another. So do away with it already!

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SHOLDING THE RELATIONSHIP HOSTAGE

When one person has a simple criticism or complaint and blackmails the other person by threatening the the relationship. For instance, if someone feels like you’ve been cold to them, instead of saying, “I feel like you’re being cold sometimes,” they will say, “I can’t date someone who is cold to me all of the time.”

In otherwords, It’s emotional blackmail and it creates loads of unnecessary drama. Every minor hiccup in the flow of the relationship results in a perceived commitment crisis. It’s crucial for both people in a relationship to know that negative thoughts and feelings can be communicated safely to one another without it threatening the relationship itself. Otherwise, people will suppress their true thoughts and feelings which lead to an environment of distrust and manipulation. Let it go

By Uche Solomon

Related Topics:3 Toxic Relationship Behaviors Hurting Your Relationship Toxic Relationship Behaviours

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Enioluwa Replies X User Questioning The Use Of Same Actors In Nollywood

Published

2 days ago

November 12, 2024

Reporter

Enioluwa on why Nollywood uses the same actors | fab.ng

Nollywood actor and social media personality Enioluwa explained why the Nigerian film industry uses the ‘same faces’ in movies.

It all began on November 11, 2024, when an X user reacted to actress Jemima Osunde‘s post on X regarding the new YouTube film Fame and Fury.

The user said, “I’m sincerely tired of seeing the same faces in this damn industry.”

I’m sincerely tired of seeing the same faces in this damn industry https://t.co/L2rKSIGIz6

— salamalekun bitches (@95andbeyond) November 11, 2024

Osunde did not take her comment lightly. She retorted, saying, “We’re tired of seeing your face too in your office. Damn! I hope they sack you.”

Enioluwa then took to X to address the notion of Nollywood using familiar faces in films. He stressed that it happens because of finances.

He wrote,

“People often say they’re tired of seeing the same faces in Nigerian films. However, unlike in Hollywood, actors in Nigeria can’t afford to do just one film a year—how much are they paying? The industry currently can’t support as many newcomers as people might expect because, realistically, many of them wouldn’t be able to meet even their basic needs. No one wants to be famous and financially unstable.”

In response, another X user asked him for practical solutions, urging him to suggest actionable steps rather than just highlighting the problems. “You made a crucial point there but you didn’t suggest any solution,” he commented.

Enioluwa then explained,

We don’t have the buying power yet; it’s growing because streaming platforms have come in and people have made more records in the box office. Nevertheless, you can’t equate it to Hollywood, an Avengers that made over $2 billion that can pay its actors millions of dollars and still have enough profit.

People often say they’re tired of seeing the same faces in Nigerian films.

However, unlike in Hollywood, actors in Nigeria can’t afford to do just one film a year— how much are they paying.

The industry currently can’t support as many newcomers as people might expect because,…

— Eni Adeoluwa (@Enioluwa_) November 11, 2024

Check out more updates here.

ENTERTAINMENT

John Njamah Says Actors Should Be Cast Based On Talent Not Instagram Followers

Published

2 days ago

November 12, 2024

Reporter

John Njamah Says Actors Should Be Cast Based On Talent | fab.ng

Nollywood filmmaker John Njamah recently voiced his concern about the prevailing casting practices in the industry. He argued that casting decisions should prioritize an actor’s talent over their physical appearance or social media popularity.

In an exclusive interview, Njamah, a Nollywood veteran, gave insightful commentary on the current state and future trajectory of Nigerian cinema.

Known for his role as Rabiu in the popular TV soap opera “Fuji House of Commotion,” Njamah has also graced the screens of numerous television shows.

Interestingly, the shows he has featured in include “Tinsel,” “Living In Lagos,” “Solitaire,” “Casino,” “Emerald,” “Tide,” and “My Flatmates.”

During the interview, Njamah talked about his filmmaking journey. He emphasized his unwavering passion for the industry and his aspirations for its continued development.

“What is fuelling me is beyond passion. There’s that knack and need to grow with every month, whatever year. There’s that need to.do something different. This industry of ours is for you to do whatever you want to do and not join the bandwagon. So for me, it’s the originality in me and the need to do something right that is fuelling me Basically, it’s the ever-creative venture in me,” he said.

Njamah discussed how African stories are evolving. Furthermore, he emphasized that positive and negative changes have happened over the years.

“There’s a positive aspect and there’s a negative aspect. There’s a technical input. We’re telling our stories better technically. We’re telling better and bigger stories. The negative is that we are beginning to lose our originality. We are beginning to join the bandwagon to tell what is peculiar to other people and not to us. We are beginning to lose a bit of our identity cos there’s no longer us,” he said.

What’s more, Njamah spoke about casting in the industry. He pointed out differences between the industry during his time and the current climate, especially with casting.

“Fuji House was a one-camera shoot with hungry and passionate people. Now we have people who cast people who are beautiful and with Barbie bodies and followership and not necessarily for your talents. Some of us try to be that original because that’s where better stories are told. You want to tell stories with passionate people. Whether you like it or not, it’s a long shot but it’s possible. You want to give the actors that are worthy of the job and not the ones that are based on Instagram followers. We borrow from society and give back to society by way of entertainment and pedagogical values.”

Further, he criticized the lack of professional work ethic among filmmakers in Nollywood. He highlighted the absence of a robust system to evaluate the performance and accountability of producers within the industry.

“Professionalism is lacking. Respect for those in charge, humility and the like is lacking today. The industry lacks checks and balances. Every Tom, Dck and Harry can wake up and call themselves a producer and just get on board and be doing stuff without being checked and of course, the guild system is not working so they can’t check. There are no criteria for who should become a producer. The system is also not working. Let’s just be mindful as producers, directors and actors,” he added.

In conclusion, John Njamah acknowledged the unique character of Nollywood. Meanwhile, he proposed the creation of a domestic platform to market and distribute Nigerian films. Consequently, this would reduce reliance on foreign streaming services.

“That thing that they don’t like about us is what makes us, us. I am tired of people saying they don’t want to come into the country for coproduction cos we’re that and that and why are we relying on the likes of the streamers? Why can’t we do something that is for us by us so that they will come to us and ask for these things? We are solely depending on them to licence our movies, for survival. Speaking of coproduction, if you tell me you don’t want to come into the country for any reason, I’ll tell you you’re wrong, cos there are amazing producers here that you’ve seen their work. All you need to do is come to them and agree on modalities.”

Watch the interview with John Njamah below.

Check out more updates here.

ENTERTAINMENT

Mercy Aigbe Reveals Why She Married Kazim Adeoti As A Second Wife

Published

3 days ago

November 11, 2024

Reporter

Mercy Aigbe on why she married Kazim Adeoti as 2nd wife | fab.ng

Nollywood actress Mercy Aigbe-Adeoti revealed one of the reasons she chose to marry Kazim Adeoti as his second wife.

During her appearance on “Nollywood on Radio”, Mercy Aigbe explained that her husband’s deep experience and dedication to Nollywood significantly influenced her decision.

Emphasizing that their marriage goes beyond a personal connection, she mentioned it also aligns with their shared professional ambitions.

She said of their shared ambitions, “That’s one of the reasons why I married him.”

She added, “Together we’re building an empire; we’re building a production empire and I felt like I needed someone like that. It’s a good thing that he’s in the industry so with his strength and my strength combined, the future of the empire is looking good already.”

Social media users slammed the actress after her revelation. Many criticized her decision. They pointedly reminded her about Kazim Adeoti’s first wife, who, according to reports, did not give her consent to their marriage.

A comment read, “Elesin! Empire wey he don already build with his first wife.”

“Mercy, you know that you betrayed this woman. If you and the first wife didn’t know each other, it is a different thing since she is a Muslim, but you are someone who can not be trusted,” another person said.

Mercy’s marriage to Kazim Adeoti sparked controversy from the very beginning. Reports claimed that she allegedly came between the filmmaker and his first wife, Funso.

However, Kazim clarified that he and Mercy had been friends and business partners for over ten years. This was before they began dating.

On the other hand, Mercy’s ex-husband, Lanre Gentry, accused her of being friends with Funso throughout that period. Eventually, she married Adeoti in 2022.

In April 2023, the actress surprised her fans on social media. She announced her conversion to Islam just before the start of Ramadan, introducing herself as Hajia Meenah Mercy Adeoti.

Get more updates here.