It’s that time of the year again, and if you want to avoid village people, brace yourself for the festive chaos!

Aromatic Jollof rice sizzles in massive pots, wedding invitations burst from envelopes like confetti, and that one persistent uncle is sharpening his interrogation skills about your perpetually single status.

To effectively avoid village people, you’ll need to develop a strategic defence mechanism against the impending family drama.

These legendary village characters are masters of unexpected interventions – distant relatives who transform your hard-earned success into their personal investment portfolio, sharp-eyed aunties whose supernatural “vision board” seems exclusively focused on dissecting your life choices, and opportunistic cousins who can smell financial opportunity from miles away.

The moment you arrive with a hint of confidence, sporting those freshly acquired achievements, they emerge like strategic networkers at a professional conference, ready to extract maximum benefit.

Their tactics are meticulously crafted: a seemingly innocent conversation quickly morphs into a funding request, a sympathetic glance becomes an elaborate guilt trip, and your momentary relaxation transforms into an unexpected family counselling session.

Your peace and bank account are their primary targets, and their networking skills would make professional fundraisers look like amateurs. Stay alert, stay strategic, and most importantly, stay one step ahead of their masterful manipulation techniques.

1. Pretend You’re on a Business Call at All Times

Village people hunt for vulnerable, unoccupied targets like predators seeking easy prey. The moment you settle into a quiet corner, a distant relative will materialise with a rehearsed narrative: “You know, I supported your father back in 1987” – a story craftily designed to culminate in an urgent financial request.

Your tactical defense? Perpetual motion and digital camouflage. Prowl the family compound with your smartphone surgically attached to your ear, strategically muttering professional-sounding phrases.

Randomly interject business jargon like, “Yes, Mr. Chairman, I’ll dispatch the invoice immediately.” Your animated performance will signal that you’re a busy professional managing high-stakes operations, effectively deterring any potential financial predators.

2. Bring a Fake Significant Other

Deploy a strategic romantic decoy to neutralise intrusive family interrogations. When that razor-sharp auntie begins her ritualistic “When will we eat your rice?” inquisition, simply gesture toward your pre-arranged accomplice and declare, “This is Chika; we’re in the getting-to-know-you phase.”

Caution: This strategy operates on a razor’s edge of complexity. Select your fake partner with surgical precision.

An overzealous performer who starts calling your grandmother “Mama” risks total infiltration, potentially transforming from ally to another agent in the village people’s expansive intelligence network.

3. Travel Light. Like, Really Light

Those oversized designer suitcases and meticulously curated outfits? They are beacon signals broadcasting “I have arrived” to your village’s opportunistic network. The more prosperity you visually telegraph, the more urgent “family emergencies” will mysteriously materialise.

Instead, embrace strategic understatement. Choose worn slippers that whisper tales of humble journeys and carry a gym bag that suggests financial prudence.

By projecting an image of calculated minimalism, you’ll render yourself invisible to the financial radar of potential opportunists.

4. Pretend You’re in a Hurry

Master the art of strategic temporal manipulation. Arrive with calculated lateness, depart with surgical swiftness, and cultivate an aura of perpetual urgency.

When your enterprising uncle begins his rehearsed pitch about house roofing assistance, intercept with a rapid-fire response: “Ah, urgent errands call! My free bus departs tomorrow morning!”

Elevate your performance by peppering conversations with references to your mythical “incredibly tight schedule.” Village people may be persistent, but they fundamentally respect the hustle – even when that hustle is masterfully fabricated.

READ ALSO: How To Avoid Billing This December

5. Use Big English to Confuse Them

Village people thrive on direct, uncomplicated communication. Your mission: complicate their intelligence-gathering efforts through linguistic complexity.

When probing questions about financial status emerge, respond with deliberately opaque academic language.

Deliver statements like: “The macroeconomic dynamics of the global south and its inherent brouhaha have substantially recalibrated my liquidity flow.”

Watch with satisfaction as their eyes glaze over, defaulting to a resigned “Ah, it is well.” You’ve just weaponised incomprehensibility as your primary defence mechanism.

6. Never, Ever Sit in the Village Square

The village square represents a dangerous metaphysical zone where casual conversations can mysteriously transform into destiny-altering negotiations.

What appears to be an innocent catch-up might secretly be a spiritual transaction where your New Year’s resolutions could be unexpectedly renegotiated.

Implement a strict indoor containment strategy. If questioned about your absence, invoke the ultimate conversational force field: spiritual fasting. Few will dare challenge someone claiming divine communication.

7. Keep All Your Wins to Yourself

Seemingly innocent statements like “Ah, I heard you bought a car!” are not compliments – they’re sophisticated reconnaissance missions designed to map your financial terrain.

Respond with strategic ambiguity: smile politely and deflect with, “It’s not easy, oh. We thank God.”

Maintain absolute neutrality. Confirm nothing, deny nothing. Ambiguity isn’t just a shield; it’s your impenetrable force field against potential familial financial incursions.

8. Have an Emergency Code with Your Siblings

Your siblings are not just relatives; they’re your specialised attraction team in this high-stakes familial landscape. Develop a sophisticated, seemingly unharmful code phrase – perhaps “Is there still yam in the kitchen?” – that signals an urgent rescue mission.

The moment this code activates, initiate dramatic intervention. Swoop in with an urgent, elaborately constructed excuse: “Ah, we must urgently contact Uncle Richard!” Your coordinated performance will disrupt any ongoing familial intelligence-gathering operations.

The holidays represent a delicate ecosystem of family, festivity, and strategic survival. While complete avoidance of village people remains impossible, intelligent navigation ensures not just survival but potential enjoyment.

Pack wisely, deploy your slipperiest slippers, and treat this guide as your sacred tactical manual.

Nigerian singer Adekunle Gold ignited widespread discussions online after openly expressing his frustrations with life in Nigeria.

On December 17, 2024, he took to X to share his thoughts, urging Nigerians to safeguard their passions. He emphasised that the challenges of living in Nigeria often leave people feeling emotionally and mentally drained.

He wrote,

“There’s just something about this place that drains your excellence. Striving for it here feels futile, as the environment pulls you down until you become just like everyone else. Whatever you do, guard your passion fiercely, be firm and never settle for less.”

There’s just something about this place that drains your excellence. Striving for it here feels futile, as the environment pulls you down until you become just like everyone else.

— BIG FISH 🦈 (@adekunleGOLD) December 17, 2024

The post resonated deeply with many Nigerians, prompting them to flood Adekunle Gold’s comment section with their opinions.

They shared personal stories and experiences, highlighting the challenges of living and pursuing success in Nigeria.

Read some of the comments below:

“Nigeria on a daily basis”

“They’ll tell you , speak positive things about Nigeria What is positive that I can’t enjoy as a citizen too? Is this the way we get treated outside? The place we call home isn’t feeling like home at all? Nothing works.”

“Well it’s the place we tap initial energy and renew strength. Diamond doesn’t do get excited in the fire. But it’s at best and it’s excellent on a pretty lady’s ring finger. That’s how I like to see this place. It’s not the best place to be but we’re usually better for it.”

“If AG with all his influence and connections dey feel am, no hope for you wey be regular man on the streets. You go kpai”

“If you way don attain some stage day complain,Wetin make we way never even know Wetin we wan do for our life day say. Just doing THIS and THAT,hopping from THIS to THAT, talent too choke confuse on what to base on while trying to ride safe. Omoooo”

“Naija tough gan and draining. Good things are happening for those who can’t but to join them.”

“AG, you gat the money, every available resources to leave the country. This country no be life we dey live inside so. Even rich people dey complain.. wetin person like me wan come talk? Naija failed US”

Check out more entertainment updates here.

Toyosi Etim-Effiong, the wife of Nigerian actor Daniel Etim-Effiong, recently stirred reactions by admitting that she does not completely trust her husband, even after seven years of marriage.

During the latest episode of her podcast, The Toyosi Podcast, where Daniel was invited as a guest, he directly asked her, “Do you trust me 100 percent after seven years of marriage?”

After carefully considering the question, Toyosi responded with a firm “No.” She emphasised that, although she trusts Daniel to remain committed to his vows, she also acknowledges that life is full of uncertainties and unpredictable circumstances.

Toyosi Etim-Effiong explained,

“Do I trust you a hundred percent? No, but I trust that you will always keep me in the loop. Maybe not ‘keep me in the loop. I’ve spent these years with you, I know you to a large extent and I’m getting to know you better. I think that you will do your absolute best to honour your vows and honour what we have. But I’m also aware that, I don’t want to say anything can happen, but things happen more or less. And I feel like if anything ever happens, I would know.”

 

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The clip from the episode quickly went viral, sparking diverse reactions from social media users. Some viewers agreed, saying they understood Toyosi’s perspective, while others criticised the couple for sharing such a private moment online.

An Instagram user voiced her understanding, saying, “Her response in the interview is deep. Her emotions, facial expressions, and thoughtful pauses, coupled with her careful choice of words, speak volumes. I sincerely wish them all the best.”

“You can never trust someone 💯, you can lie to yourself that you do but it’s not possible, if 💯 trust is attainable, there won’t be jealousy, there won’t be fear of losing that person… as long as you married someone with value, someone you know that other people would do anything to have because they are good both financially and character wise, you will always have that fear of losing them and that fear is as a result of lacking trust and it’s normal… you just have to control your fear and trust them at least 75% for the sake of your inner peace,” said another person.

Another person voiced their disapproval of the content: “There’s no reason why this should be content. I’m very much against this sort of marital content. You’ll harm yourselves but to each their own.” 

“U want to make content and hustle with sensitive private content creation that could spin off and probably mess you up if care is not taken..a good discussion but strictly away from public eye….lets be calming down,” another person warned.

Check out more updates here.