OPINION

#FreeAudu #AuduFree We Must Be Careful. We Must! – Salamat ‘Rahaman

Published

8 years ago

February 20, 2017

#freeaudu #audufree. In my opinion, the advent of social media has facilitated a veritable boom of armchair social activists/freedom fighters. Suddenly, being politically aware and/or outspoken is cool; hashtags all over the place. This is a great development for us as Nigerians where the divide between social classes is so wide. It’s a welcome development that we have become more aware of the poor, downtrodden and the helpless.

Audu Maikori

HOWEVER (in capital letters because it is a BIG HOWEVER), the responsibility that is attached to being an activist is HUGE! And a lot of us are not willing or prepared to take this on. Unfortunately, you can’t be selective here, anything but a full submission to the task at hand is a disservice to activism. Any issue that must be taken up, must be thoroughly investigated and verified. You can’t start a crusade and then retract it. We all know that, unfortunately, emotions have no off button. Hashtags are great in mobilising people, ideas and sentiments but when the hashtag is on a false premise, then what? #freeaudu.

The activist also has be able to view facts objectively and fairly. This is particularly difficult because the idea behind activism is that you first have to passionate about your cause. How do you balance that passion with being objective? That is just one of the tough dilemmas that activists deal with.

There must be integrity in your fight and you can’t cry wolf. You see, for your cause to be taken seriously, you must ensure that you take it seriously, be ready to go the extra mile. Not just to march and protest but to really understand the different layers of the issue, to research the different players and possible root causes.

Unfortunately, more and more, I’m finding that a lot of us, in these times, are weak on research, fact checking and story verification. This is ironic, particularly at a time when Google and many other search engines and online publications have made research so easily accessible. We don’t read, we don’t research, we don’t want to know! Just feed me the hashtag and I will run with it. What are the facts? What is the big picture?

I also find that those who know better don’t teach us to be better. The concept of followers is more focused on the number than the understanding of the followers. Most times, activists prefer a crowd of people who are ignorant about the cause marching behind them than people who have gained a clear understanding of the cause. This kind of mob action is enabled by social media. We don’t seek to understand the issues. We only care about the number of followers, retweets, likes etc.

I can’t count the number of times I have had to correct my friends when very negatively provocative messages are shared by them because they read them in some online publications or heard a random story or series of similar stories. These stories were deemed verified either because of the several reposts, the calibre of the person that initiated it or some other inadequate source of assurance.

The problem with mob actions is that the only thing that can be ascertained, and not always, is how it starts. Where or how it ends invariably is completely out of the control of the promoters.
I keep saying we must be careful. WE MUST!!!
It is the same with an Audu Makori telling an unverified story or a Donald Trump talking about Sweden or the “bowling green attacks”. No double standards here. If you want to stir up emotions or sentiments, you owe your listeners the responsibility of basing it on facts. Period. Go and factcheck! If the intentions are altruistic, then why the hurry to skip this vital step before spreading the story? Retractions remind me of the saying “prevention is better than cure”. They’re typically ineffective in calming down heightened emotions or physical/online mob actions once they start.

I have seen seen a shocking amount of provocative videos, sent by people I used to respect that are pure hate-mongering, some by SANs, educators and leaders in the society. The contents are shockingly disgusting, largely unverifiable and most times, simply untrue. Most of them are a series of random events, strung together by a weak conspiracy theory and are so unworthy of those sending them. I’ve received some on account of the fact that I don’t appear muslim so the sender thought it was okay to send. I’ve gotten apologies but only because my religion is the target and not because the message is wrong. I have definitely not gotten any retractions.

Bad things are happening everywhere in the world. Fear and hate mongering don’t improve the situation. I agree that not enough is being done by all sides to promote understanding but too much is being done to promote hate, distrust, disharmony and deep divisions (which are already our big issue) by “enlightened” people like us who should know better and can educate ourselves easily enough where we don’t know. Don’t add to this negative effort.

The press also has a great responsibility of reporting the FACTS, not just the truth so as to guide our inferences and conclusions. Don’t allow yourself to be spoonfed someone else’s opinion when the facts are so easily accessible.

That said, I’m glad Audu Makori has regained his freedom but I also know that he won’t be spreading anymore unverified gist after this experience and if that is the only gain from this incident, perhaps it was worth it.

Related Topics:#audufree #freeaudu Audu Maikori Southern Kaduna Killings

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LIFESTYLE

How To Avoid Billing This December

Published

1 month ago

December 18, 2024

Adaeze Okechi

How To Avoid Billing In December | fab.ng

As a Nigerian adult, you understand that December isn’t merely a festive season—it’s the ultimate billing battlefield. In this case, knowing how to avoid billing this December can be your financial lifeline.

The month transforms into an elaborate financial obstacle course where every social engagement becomes a potential wallet-draining experience.

Picture this: you’re suddenly expected to match expensive aso-ebi for your partner’s distant cousin’s wedding, shell out cash for elaborate office hangout festivities, purchase thoughtful gifts for an extensive network of friends and family, grab concert tickets for the hottest “detty December” events, and somehow maintain some semblance of financial sanity.

Each commitment is strategically designed to empty your bank account, with Sapa waiting eagerly in the wings to completely demolish your January savings.

The universe seems to have conspired with social expectations to orchestrate a complex financial challenge, transforming December into an unofficial billing Olympics where your wallet is the primary competitor.

But here’s the good news: you can become a strategic “shege survivor” by mastering how to avoid billing this December with calculated precision and smart financial manoeuvres.

In this comprehensive survival guide, we’ll explore tactical approaches to navigate the treacherous December spending landscape, ensuring you emerge victorious without sacrificing your financial stability or social reputation. Prepare to become the ultimate December financial ninja!

1. Always Complain Like It’s Your Birthright

Nobody wants to bill someone who complains every five minutes. If you consistently make a point of complaining about your financial situation whenever you get the chance, the likelihood of being asked for money will drop drastically.

The only exception is if you have people around you who are heartless and completely audacious—if that’s the case, there’s a solution in step two.

2. Trade Your Flashy Phone for a ‘Torchlight’

Do you see that iPhone 14 Pro Max of yours? That big phone that attracts unnecessary attention? It’s essentially a billboard screaming, “I’m open for billing!”

To avoid billing, sell it and invest the money in preparing for next year’s challenges. No one will suspect you of being a “billionaire in transit” if you’re using a humble Nokia torchlight or an old-school TECNO phone.

Picture this: someone asking you for money while you’re holding a phone that looks like it belongs in 2003. They might even feel sorry for you and give you some spare change.

The goal here is to avoid billing by making it clear you’re not the person with deep pockets.

3. Buy Okrika Clothes

As the saying goes at the “Okrika” stores, “na mumu dey go boutique.” Avoid billing by steering clear of designer clothes that scream wealth and immediately mark you as a target for requests.

Instead, buy “Okrika” (secondhand) clothes and proudly share how much you paid when people compliment you. Tell them, “You won’t believe how much this outfit cost; it was just 500 Naira!” and make sure to add, “I’m making do with the little I have…”

This strategy helps position you as the king or queen of thrift, ensuring that nobody dares to ask you for money or extravagant contributions.

4. Avoid Calls Like a Pro

Screen all your calls, and be strategic about who you answer. The call from your cousin in the village? We both know it’s not “Merry Christmas” they’re about to say—it’s more likely “I need money for the New Year.”

To avoid billing, activate your Do Not Disturb (DND) mode and only return calls from people who won’t ask for a handout.

If you must respond, use WhatsApp messages so you can carefully craft your excuses without feeling pressured.

5. Go Solo: Break Up With Your Partner

Let’s be real—being in a relationship is one of the major sources of billing in December. To avoid billing and enjoy some peace of mind, consider going solo this season.

Enjoy your money without worrying about shared expenses, and enter the New Year without emotional or financial baggage. You deserve it!

When you want to avoid billing in December, it isn’t just about saving money—it’s about preserving your sanity and entering January without the financial hangover.

These strategies will help you avoid billing and ensure a peaceful, financially secure holiday season. When you’re sipping zobo in the comfort of your home instead of crying over debt recovery meetings, remember to thank me.

If you found these tips helpful and want more, visit here. And remember not to fall in love this December!

OPINION

11 Ways To Build Emotional Connection With Your Woman

Published

2 months ago

December 1, 2024

Adaeze Okechi

How to build emotional connection with a woman | fab.ng

Building a deep emotional connection is crucial for lasting romantic relationships. Understanding how to build an emotional connection with a woman requires genuine effort, empathy, and consistent communication.

Building a strong emotional connection with your woman is more than just physical attraction or shared interests. Emotional intimacy is the glue that holds couples together.

Here are eleven practical ways to foster this deep connection:

1. Prioritise Quality Time

How to build emotional connection with a woman? One of the most effective ways is to prioritise quality time together. This means putting away distractions like phones and focusing on each other.

Engage in activities you both enjoy, whether it’s a shared hobby, a simple conversation, or a romantic dinner. These moments create lasting memories and strengthen your bond.

How to build emotional connection with a woman | fab.ng

2. Active Listening

To truly understand your woman, you must listen actively. This involves paying full attention, asking clarifying questions, and reflecting on her feelings. Active listening goes beyond merely hearing words.

Avoid interrupting or formulating your response while she’s speaking. When learning how to build emotional connection with a woman, focus entirely on her when she speaks. Show that you value her thoughts and emotions.

Maintain eye contact. Put away digital devices. Avoid interrupting. Reflect back on what you’ve heard to demonstrate understanding. Show genuine interest in her experiences.

Ask follow-up questions that reveal you’re truly engaged. Validate her feelings without judgment. This approach creates a safe emotional space where she feels heard and respected.

3. Express Gratitude and Appreciation

Show your appreciation for your woman through words and actions. A simple “thank you” or a heartfelt compliment can go a long way.

Recognise her efforts, both big and small, and express gratitude for her presence in your life. This positive reinforcement strengthens your emotional connection.

4. Physical Touch and Emotional Affection

Physical touch is a powerful way to connect with your woman on an emotional level. This doesn’t necessarily mean intimate acts.

Simple gestures like holding hands, unexpected hugs, and gentle touches on the arm, hair, and neck can convey love and affection. These physical cues deepen your bond and create a sense of emotional security and intimacy.

Understanding how to build emotional connection with a woman involves recognising her unique affection preferences. Some women appreciate frequent physical contact, while others prefer occasional, meaningful gestures.

How to build emotional connection with a woman | fab.ng

5. Open and Intentional Communication

Open and honest communication is essential for a healthy relationship. Share your thoughts, feelings, and fears with vulnerability. Create a safe space where she can express herself without judgment. By being open and honest, you build trust and intimacy.

Communication is the cornerstone of emotional intimacy. Learn her communication style. Some women prefer direct conversations, while others appreciate subtle emotional nuance.

When discovering how to build emotional connection with a woman, communicate regularly and meaningfully. Share your thoughts, feelings, and daily experiences. Create moments of genuine conversation beyond surface-level interactions.

6. Surprise Her with Thoughtful Gestures

Small acts of kindness can have a significant impact on your emotional connection. Surprise her with a thoughtful gift, plan a romantic getaway, or simply leave a heartfelt note.

These unexpected gestures show that you care and are thinking of her.

7. Celebrate Milestones Together

Celebrate life’s milestones, both big and small, together. Whether it’s a birthday, an anniversary, or a personal achievement, these moments create shared experiences and strengthen your bond.

8. Express Vulnerability

Emotional connections deepen when partners share authentic feelings. Men often struggle with vulnerability, but it’s essential when understanding how to build an emotional connection with a woman. Share your fears, dreams, and personal challenges.

Demonstrate emotional intelligence by opening up about your inner world. Talk about your insecurities and past experiences. This transparency invites her to connect more deeply and builds mutual trust.

9. Show Consistent Emotional Support

Support goes beyond physical assistance. This means you have to prioritise her emotional landscape. Be present during her challenging times.

Offer comfort without attempting to fix everything. Listen empathetically. Validate her emotions. Demonstrate that you’re a reliable emotional anchor she can depend on during difficult moments.

10. Cultivate Shared Experiences

Shared experiences create emotional memories. Plan activities that allow genuine connection. Try new experiences together. Take classes, travel, or explore mutual interests.

These shared moments become emotional touchstones in your relationship. They create opportunities for deeper understanding and mutual growth when learning how to build emotional connection with a woman.

11. Practice Emotional Empathy

Empathy transforms relationships. Put yourself in her emotional shoes. Understand her perspective without judgment. Recognise her emotional triggers and respond with compassion.

When mastering how to build emotional connection with a woman, emotional intelligence becomes your greatest asset. Validate her feelings, even when they differ from your perspective.

Conclusion

Building an emotional connection requires continuous effort, patience, and genuine commitment. These strategies provide a roadmap for creating deeper, more meaningful romantic relationships.

Remember that every woman is unique. What works for one might not work perfectly for another. Stay adaptable, communicate openly, and approach emotional connection with sincerity and respect.

By implementing these strategies consistently, you’ll create a profound emotional bond that transcends surface-level interactions, fostering a relationship built on trust, understanding, and genuine love.

If you found this article helpful, click here to check out more.

HOW TO

How To De-Escalate Arguments In Relationships

Published

2 months ago

November 24, 2024

Adaeze Okechi

Arguments In Relationships: 6 Tips To De-escalate Them | fab.ng

Arguments in relationships test every couple’s communication skills. They reveal deeper emotional dynamics. Healthy partnerships transform conflicts into opportunities for understanding.

Navigate arguments in relationships with strategic approaches. Stop escalation before it destroys the connection. Recognize that disagreements happen naturally. Your response determines relationship quality.

These relationship arguments require emotional intelligence. Listen actively. Control reactive responses. Use compassionate language. Avoid accusatory statements. Show genuine respect.

Understand that arguments in relationships aren’t battles to win. They’re conversations to understand. Each disagreement offers a chance to strengthen bonds. Develop mutual empathy.

The final key to managing arguments in relationships involves staying calm. Take deep breaths. Pause when emotions run high. Focus on solutions, not problems.

Successful couples treat arguments as growth opportunities. They communicate openly and respect each other’s perspectives. They commit to mutual understanding.

Choose connection over being right. Transform conflicts into moments of intimacy and trust.

Below are 6 tips you can use to de-escalate arguments in relationships:

1. Take a Break

Arguments in relationships can quickly spiral out of control. When conversations become heated, take a strategic timeout. Step away from the intense moment.

Give yourself space to reset emotionally. Take a walk to clear your mind. Listen to calming music. Practice meditation techniques. Breathe deeply and center yourself.

The goal of taking a break during arguments in relationships is emotional regulation. Return to the conversation when both partners feel calm and rational. This approach prevents saying hurtful things in the heat of the moment.

2. Active Listening

Mastering active listening transforms arguments in relationships. When your partner speaks, give full attention. Silence your inner defensive voice. Avoid interrupting or preparing counterarguments. Focus entirely on understanding their perspective.

Ask clarifying questions. Repeat what you’ve heard to ensure comprehension. Show genuine interest in your partner’s feelings. Demonstrate that you value their emotional experience.

3. Use “I” Statements

Language matters in arguments in relationships. Replace blame with personal vulnerability. Instead of accusatory statements like “You always ignore me,” express your feelings directly. Say, “I feel lonely and disconnected when we don’t communicate.”

“I” statements reduce defensiveness. They invite empathy and understanding. They transform potential conflicts into opportunities for a deeper connection.

4. Avoid Personal Attacks

Arguments in relationships should never become character assassinations. Stick strictly to the current issue. Avoid bringing up past mistakes or criticizing your partner’s personality. Focus on resolving the specific problem at hand.

Maintain respect. Treat your partner with kindness, even during disagreements. Your goal is collaborative problem-solving, not winning a battle.

5. Find Common Ground

Every argument contains potential for understanding. Look for areas of agreement, no matter how small. Acknowledge shared feelings or goals. Build a bridge of mutual understanding.

Collaborative approaches transform arguments in relationships from confrontations to conversations. Work together as a team. Seek solutions that satisfy both partners.

6. Seek Professional Help

Persistent communication challenges require professional intervention. A qualified therapist can provide:

Objective communication strategies
Tools for emotional regulation
Insights into underlying relationship dynamics
Personalized conflict resolution techniques

Professional guidance helps couples break destructive communication patterns. It provides skills for healthier, more understanding relationships.

Transforming Conflicts

Arguments in relationships are growth opportunities. They test and strengthen emotional bonds. By approaching conflicts with empathy, respect, and strategic communication, couples can turn challenges into moments of deeper connection.

Disagreements are normal. Respect is essential. Love is a continuous journey of understanding.

Click here to read more articles on relationships.